Smoke and Mirrors
by Tavoriel
Summary: My Hayate fanfiction project! A huge tribute to the poor sick guy who showed up, barely did anything, and left forever. The first story takes place shortly before the Chunin exam with a rescue mission to the Land of the Waves. Title makes sense later
1. Rescue Mission

**Rescue Mission**

They never gave up. Mist ninjas never do. They'd gotten untied easily enough (they hadn't given up on that either), and they'd followed the enemies and the bridgebuilder. The appearance of Zabuza and Haku had caused them to lie low. Those two were stronger than they were and would probably finish off the enemies—probably. They would also most definitely get mad if anyone tried to steal their kill. To the mist ninjas, teamwork only occurred in teams. Now, as they crept up to the small village, sure that their work had been done by now and that they could go home, they saw a completed bridge. The two shivered. Whoever had taken out Zabuza and Haku would be able to finish _them_ off easily. But sometimes never giving up turns into never _getting_ up. It couldn't be helped. That was their way of life.

"Let's start with the bridge," one of the Demon Brothers said.

*****

Rain drizzled down onto Konoha. The drops made little rain noises as they struck the trees, buildings, and, on rare occasions, people. Water slid down leaves, roofs, and, in a rather comical fashion, the noses of the Hokage faces on the mountain.

"I hate rain," remarked the current Hokage.

"Hm... I don't like being out in the rain," Iruka said, "but I suppose plants and trees need it to grow--our very village is named after--"

"I still don't like it," the Hokage said. "And trees _are _plants."

"Um, I know," Iruka said-- "What did I say?"

"Lord Hokage! Lord Hokage!" shouted a small voice at its loudest. "There's a lady here who needs help!" Iruka, the Third Lord, and the small line of ninjas signing up for missions turned to see Hinata run in, followed by a woman and a young boy. Hinata stopped a few feet into the door, realizing that she had become the center of attention.

"Um..." she said, blushing, and ran back out the door. The woman and the young boy approached the Hokage's desk.

"Lord Hokage," the woman said, bowing, "I am Tsunami, and this is my son Inari. Our small village has been attacked by two ninjas from Kirigakure--they destroyed part of our bridge, and they are trying to kill my father, a bridgebuilder--the whole village is in hiding, we don't know what to do, Inari and I are the only ones who escaped, we didn't dare seek help from Kirigakure--please help! We don't know what's wrong--why they attacked--please! Help us!"

"I'll do all I can," the Hokage said gravely. He turned to Iruka. "Get me Kakashi. He's on a mission with his team right now, but it's a simple one--they're just fixing a leaky roof. Take over for Kakashi, and make sure Naruto doesn't--"

"Um, Lord Hokage," Tsunami said, "I need to tell you--our village is very poor, and I can't pay very much at all--the ninjas who came earlier to escort Tazuna back home seemed rather upset that--"

"Iruka, don't go yet," the Hokage said. "Tazuna... the name seems vaguely familiar... Iruka, didn't a Tazuna request a mission recently?" Iruka consulted a stack of papers.

"He requested protection from robbers on his way home; mission; class C," Iruka said.

"Wait... who had that mission?" the Hokage asked. "Iruka, get me the report on that mission!"

Flip... Flip...

"Team 7 had that mission," Iruka said, "and I can't find the report. I believe it's late." The Hokage shook his head.

"That Kakashi... if he wasn't so darned good, he would've been run out of Konoha a long time ago..." the Hokage turned to Tsunami. "I'm sorry," he said, "but I don't think Kakashi would appreciate another class-A mission without pay. But don't worry, I'll find you another ninja who's the same rank as Kakashi--you won't be able to tell the difference, I promise." He turned to Iruka. "Check the volunteer jar—any jonins this week?"

Iruka looked through the names, frowning.

"No," he said, "mostly idealistic chunins." He passed his own name but didn't say anything.

"Hm..." the Hokage said. He looked down the line of ninjas waiting for missions. It was a small line because of the rain--he could see genins, chunins, and one jonin who came every day, rain or shine, looking for class-D missions because he'd lost an arm and couldn't handle anything else. In short, nobody who could take on something like this.

"Iruka," the Hokage said, "pull a name out of a secondary volunteer jar--one of the jonin ones." Iruka randomly pulled F-J out from under the desk and reached for a name.

"On a mission..." (another name)

"Ah, 'Hatake Kakashi,' what a coincidence!" (another name)

"Recuperating from a mission..." (another name)

"Hm... deceased..." (throw out; another name)

"Ah, here we go, 'Gekko Hayate.' I'll just check his file to make absolute sure he's suitable and we'll send him off!" Iruka dug through another stack of papers, pulled one out, and skimmed it.

"Good... good... --Um... hang on..." he and the Hokage started a whispered conversation. Inari clenched his mother's hand even more tightly than before. Tsunami stroked his hair worriedly.

"Yes, I know what you have to do to become a jonin... but... two class-B missions and only one class-A? That's hardly what I'd call experienced..."

"Iruka, you worry two much. Hayate is a swordfighting instructor down at the weapons academy in the basement of the tower in the Forest of Death--you know, the place where the second part of the Chunin Exam is held." Iruka shuddered. He did know. He still had no idea how he had even _passed_ the chunin exam, but he had, and the Forest of Death still gave him nightmares.

"Since Hayate has a job," the Hokage continued, "he doesn't have to go on missions to make money. And since he has to go _through _the Forest of Death to get to work every day, I'd think he's experienced enough. And as for those three high-level missions... I can't recall any... well, _many_... of Hayate's reports being anything but exceptional."

"You're right," Iruka said. "Sorry about that," he told Tsunami, straightening. "I'm going to get Gekko Hayate, and he'll go to save your village!"

"Be sure to stop by team 7 first and make Kakashi give you his report," the Hokage said. "I'm sure Hayate can use the background information."

************

"Gaaaah! Naruto! You killed Sasuke!!!"

"N-no I didn't! I didn't! Look, he's still breathing!"

"What?! Really?! Oh, you had better be right!"

"Naruto!"

"Aaah!!! Master Kakashi... hi! Heh... heh heh..."

"Naruto, stop dropping the hammer."

"I didn't mean to! It's slippery in the rain, and—"

"Naruto, I'm going to come up there and—"

"Sasukeeee!!! You _are_ alive!!!!!"

"Ah—oh, my head—get away from me!"

"Sakura, leave Sasuke alone. Sasuke, are you okay?"

"Yes."

"Here, let me see... Yes, Iruka?"

*************

The crocodile turned a beady eye on Princess Gale and advanced, its great maw opening wide.

"I really don't know why I love this movie so much," Yugao whispered to Hayate. "It's so cheesy... but so perfect!"

"I like how it takes itself so seriously," Hayate whispered back. "'There will be crocodiles'... I don't think anyone but Yuki could say that with a straight face, let alone with utmost conviction... here, I'll try it—'There Will Be Croc'—tsssse he he, sorry, 'There—'" Yugao started laughing. On the screen, a crocodile was devouring a minor character. Several people turned to stare angrily at the two.

"...Crocodilessss he he he, almost had it! I can't do it."

"I heard they're making a sequel," Yugao whispered when she'd finished laughing.

"Yeah, yeah," Hayate whispered, "you know a movie's good when there's a bad sequel coming out next summer."

"And it's never as good as the animé," Yugao whispered.

"There's an animé of Princess Gale?" Hayate whispered back. Yugao stared.

"Of course there is," she whispered, "I was sooo crazy about it when I was a teenager!!! What do you mean, 'There's an animé'?"

"Where do you want to go for dinner after the movie?" Hayate asked hurriedly.

"You seriously want to go out for dinner dressed up as characters from _Princess Gale_?" Yugao asked teasingly.

"No... I mean..." Hayate started.

"That was really cheesy," Yugao said, smiling. "But you know me--I can appreciate cheesy but perfect." They leaned forward.

"There you are!" said somebody. Hayate and Yugao looked up sharply. So did about ten other people. Iruka pushed his way past a few more people and stood next to Hayate, painfully aware that he was blocking the movie for somebody but blissfully ignorant of Yugao.

"Gekko Hayate?" Iruka asked, looking from Hayate to a piece of paper in his hand. "Your picture's kind of old, so—"

"That's me," Hayate said. And the picture's not old. I'm just dressed up as an animé character. Because it goes with my girlfriend's costume. Uh... yes?" Iruka looked just about ready to die of embarassment, so Hayate turned a sympathetic look to Yugao and walked Iruka to the lobby to see what he wanted. Yugao shrugged and waited. On the screen, the crocodiles were surrounding Princess Gale. _How do they know she's the main character?_ Hayate had said the first time they'd seen the movie together. Yugao laughed silently. A crocodile lashed out, but Gale repelled it. Another one lashed out. _Hey, why don't we all lash out together? _Hayate had once said in what was supposed to be a crocodile voice. _No, stupid, then we might actually win! This movie has forty minutes left--how are we supposed to entertain all of these people for FORTY minutes, hm? _Yugao smiled to herself. Then frowned. What did Iruka want anyway? Iruka taught at the Ninja Academy—did Hayate have to give a talk at the school? Iruka also helped the Hokage hand out missions... but missions weren't handed out, they were signed up for. Maybe there was some crisis back at the village (Konoha really needed a movie theater--it was rather inconvenient to have to keep going to the Land of Fire all the time just to see new movies). But no, Iruka would have been a lot more flustered, and he wouldn't have left the village in the first place, he would have been protecting his students. Yugao had an unpleasant feeling that whatever it was would require Hayate to leave. That would really stink... she hoped not. Someone was coming down the aisle. Yugao breathed a sigh of relief. It was Hayate, and he had more popcorn. Must not have been important.

"Yugao," Hayate said, "I have to go, I'm sorry. There's some urgent business I have to attend to. I got you a refill on the—"

"Is Iruka still in the lobby?" Yugao asked angrily, getting up.

"Yes," Hayate said, "why--"

"You two are going to explain what's going on," Yugao said. "It's very rude of Iruka to disturb our movie like that." The two walked out of the theater. There was dead silence apart from the movie, then the sound of eighty-some people breathing a sigh of relief all at once.

*******************

"Wow... that's an amazing Princess Gale costume," Iruka said as Yugao walked into the lobby.

"Thanks," Yugao said shortly. "I started it when I was seventeen. Now, please explain."

"Explain wha—"

"Explain," Yugao repeated.

"Oh, that," Iruka said nervously. "Well, a poor village in the Land of the Waves is being attacked by two mist ninjas and nobody knows why. All Hayate has to do is go there and find out what's wrong, hopefully save the village, and hopefully not mess up our foreign relations."

"Why Hayate?" Yugao asked.

"Well," Iruka said slowly, "Hayate wasn't on a mission..."

"I noticed," Yugao growled. "How did you know where to find Hayate?"

"Lord Hokage told me," Iruka said.

"And how did he know?" Yugao asked.

"I... you know, I don't know," Iruka said, puzzled. "I'd never really thought about how he knows where people are... I'll have to ask him." In fact, the Hokage had found out easily with the help of his crystal ball, but that crystal ball was a closely guarded secret--if the public found out that their ruler could view them at any time, they probably wouldn't be too thrilled, and a too thrilled public is the key to a successful regime.

"Well, if that's all," Yugao said, too used to the village's bureaucratic tendencies to put up any more of a fight, "I'm going with Hayate—what do you know, I don't have a mission at the time either! You can put my name down on the file for the mission."

"Oh, you don't have to—" Iruka started.

"Look," Yugao said, "_I_ actually put my name in the volunteer jar! Don't you tell me I can't help somebody!"

"You're... you're a chunin??" Iruka asked.

"No," Yugao said patiently, "_I put my name in the volunteer jar_ when I was a chunin. Your system's just messed up."

"Thank you," Iruka said dryly. He was beginning to regain some of his composure now that the situation had turned from awkward to hostile.

"Do we have time to go back to the village to pack first?" Yugao asked.

"Well... do you really need to?" Iruka asked.

"I'm not getting my costume dirty," Yugao said.

"I don't want to do a mission dressed like an animé character," Hayate said through a mouthful of popcorn, "and I left my sword under my bed."

"We don't have any weapons of any sort, come to think of it," Yugao said.

"Okay, okay," Iruka said, "but you need to go quickly; every second counts!" They started to leave the lobby.

"Oh!" Iruka said, "I almost forgot—here, before we go outside in the rain, let me give you Kakashi's report on a recent mission to that area. You might find it helpful."

Hayate took it and looked it over.

"This is a toolbox instructions sheet," he said, frowning.

"No, the report's on the back," Iruka said. Hayate turned the paper over.

"This is really hard to read," he said as he skimmed the report.

"Kakashi was in a hurry," Iruka said.

"Now there's a first," Hayate said. When he finished reading, he pocketed the report, and they went outside. Yugao quickly undid part of her costume and bent over to shelter it from the rain. Hayate stopped, pulled a safety pin out of his costume, and poked it into his finger.

"I'll summon Etsuko," he said as his cloak slipped off his left shoulder. "She can get us back to the village in a hurry."

"Who's Etsuko?" Iruka asked as Hayate undid the rest of his cloak and gave it to Yugao to protect her costume.

"You'll see," Hayate said. Several handsigns later, a giant lizard materialized.

"Munchies?" she asked automatically.

"That's Etsuko," Hayate said, giving her the rest of the popcorn. "Hop on."

**************

Hayate's sword wasn't under his bed. A full ten minutes of searching was required to locate it innocently leaning upright in the small space between the desk and the wall. It was a wonder how something as large as a sword could be so hard to find... or maybe not, considering that the same went for the floor, which was bigger.

*************

Yugao stuffed the last box of pocky into her backpack. Normally, she left the last fill-in-the-blank for her younger sister because her younger sister got a bigger kick out of whatever it was than Yugao and because her mom would always side with her younger sister if the issue was raised, Yugao being a grown woman who knew better. But Yugao would quite possibly be gone for days: she knew that her mom always sided with her when she wasn't actually present, and she knew that, by the time she got back, the incident would be forgotten. There was only one apple left. Yugao took that too.

***************

"You're going to lose Mr. Frog," Hayate told Yugao, pointing to the frog pin she'd put on her green ninja vest.

"No I'm not," Yugao said protectively. "And 'Mr. Frog' is a girl."

"Uh-huh," Hayate said. He'd learned long ago that there was neither rhyme nor reason to the genders Yugao assigned to her various cute animal pins and keychains and that, if he hazarded a guess, he had a 75% chance of being wrong.

"I brought pocky!" Yugao said.

"Great!" Hayate said. Yugao's little sister would find no pocky in her lunch the next day.

"Munchies?" Etsuko asked. She knew what pocky was.

"We'll see," Hayate said.

"Okay!" Etsuko said. She still hadn't figured out that "We'll see" meant "Probably not." Hayate got on the huge lizard and reached a hand down to help Yugao.

"Thank you!" shouted somebody. They turned around. The teary-eyed woman and the waving kid coming toward them in the rain could only be Tsunami and Inari, of whom Iruka had told them.

"You're heroes!" yelled Inari.

"Thank you," Tsunami said again as she came up alongside Etsuko. "It really means the world to me."

"Uh, you're welcome," Hayate said uncomfortably. He really wasn't used to receiving such heartfelt praise or even being the center of attention. Maybe he ought to go on more missions.

"You're welcome," Yugao said. "We'll do all we can to save your father." Inari curiously poked Etsuko. The lizard turned her huge head to face him. He hid behind Tsunami.

"Good luck, Tsunami said, stepping back.

"Thank you," Yugao said. Hayate nudged Etsuko with his foot and they were off.

***********

It rained the whole way there. Sometime in that interval, darkness fell completely, but the rainclouds made it hard to tell exactly when. The box of pocky and its contents were soaked before Hayate and Yugao were half finished. Since neither pocky nor cardboard handle water well, the soggy pocky box was eventually offered to Etsuko. However, Etsuko's senses did not percieve the cardboard to be food. When it became apparent that she wouldn't eat the box, nobody wanted to dig out the wad of pocky-mush for her. Since Yugao didn't want to throw the box on the ground and they had nowhere else to put it, Hayate ended up holding it for the full three-hour trip.

***************

The rain stopped about ten minutes before they arrived and was replaced by a thick fog.

"I think I see the bridge up ahead," Yugao said. "It looks kind of spooky in the fog." The thick fog instantly became a thick, _spooky_ fog. Nobody spoke as Etsuko trotted on. Plish, plish, plish, plish, plish, plish, plish, went the lizard's feet as she ambled along the wet ground. The sound of waves sliding up the beach was quietly getting louder every minute. Plish, plish, plish, plish...

"That_ is_ the bridge," Yugao whispered.

"You're right," Hayate whispered back. "I wonder how much it was damaged." He didn't have to ask why they were whispering.

"Hayate," Yugao whispered, "I'm scared. It's way too quiet."

Hayate reached back and held her hand. He searched his brain for something comforting to say, but nothing profound came to mind...

"Don't worry," he said eventually.

"Shhhhh!!!" Yugao hissed.

"Sorry!" Hayate whispered quickly. The suddenness and intensity of Yugao's reply had startled him, and he'd dropped the soggy pocky box... but he wasn't about to stop, get off the lizard, and pick it up. Nature dropped rain on him when he didn't want to be rained on all the time, so one little pocky box was, if anything, long overdue.

Plish, plish, plish, plish, plish... The bridge got closer and closer. Hayate didn't let go of Yugao's hand.

Plish, plish, plish, plish.... pad, pad, pad, pad... they had reached the bridge.

Etsuko stopped when she reached the middle, and for good reason: a large chunk had been taken out of it, splitting the bridge completely in half.

Etsuko backed up.

"Don't scream," Hayate whispered to Yugao. "She's going to jump it."

"What do you mean, 'don't scream?!'" Yugao whispered, flustered. "How can I help—Eeep!"

Pad, pad, pad, pad, pad... Hayate stopped Etsuko as she reached the end of the bridge.

The three stared into the quiet village. It appeared to be deserted.

"We should probably split up now," Hayate said. "Etsuko can stay here as our backup plan. Yugao, put on your radio headset and let me know if you find anything or if you're in trouble. I'm heading to Tazuna's house, and you can check the town to see what's what."

"Okay," Yugao said nervously. "Be careful."

"I will," Hayate said.

After a quick just-in-case-you-die kiss, they dashed off into the night like... well, rather like ninjas in the night.

***********

Silence. It was thicker than the fog as Hayate ran over the soggy ground. What would be waiting for him at the bridgebuilder's house? Where were his opponents? According to Kakashi's report, they could hide in small puddles... after the rain, there were small puddles everywhere. But no mysterious shapes rose out of them. There was no sign of life at all. It was like going into a haunted house and finding only darkness and old furniture... and it didn't help matters when Hayate's imagination started viewing every noise and shadow in terms of enemy ninjas.

After about ten minutes of running past empty puddles and the shadows of trees, Hayate finally came upon a deathly quiet house. The address was the same as the one from Kakashi's report: Tazuna's. Hayate frowned. It was probably a bad sign that the door was wide open... he ran in and looked around.

Nobody was there. Not on the ground level... not upstairs...

"Yugao," he whispered into the headset, "I'm in the house. There's nobody. What have you found?"

"Nobody in the rest of the village," Yugao whispered. "The whole place seems deserted. Do you think the villagers are hiding somewhere? I don't see any bodies..."

"I sincerely hope so," Hayate whispered. "I'm going to come join you so we can search for—hang on, there's someone outside. I'll get back to you later." He'd been looking out the window for the whole conversation, and he'd seen one—or was it two—meerest hints of shapes in the fog. Ninjas. Hayate felt stupid. They'd most likely seen him; after all, he'd been standing right in front of the window. And the front door was wide open too—they could just slip right in without making a sound. Well, they were expecting him to be in front of the window... he created a shadow doppelganger and switched places with it. Now it was in front of the window in full view and he was in the shadows. He waited.

... ... ... ...

Was that a noise downstairs?

... ... ... ... ... ...

_That_ was definitely a noise

... ... ... ...

Hayate hooked a finger around the cold metal ring of a kunai knife as he listened to multiple ninjas climb the creaky stairs without making a sound.

Swoosh. A shadowy figure leapt in the doorway and flung a knife at his doppelganger. Hayate flung his knife at the figure. The enemy's knife thudded into the back of the doppelganger's head. The doppelganger disappeared in a swirl of white smoke. Hayate's knife thudded into the enemy's arm. The ninja yelped in pain and flung a knife at the real Hayate. Hayate knocked it out of the air with another knife. Another enemy leapt over the first and held its hand out, palm outward. Hayate was enveloped in a huge mass of sand. A little moonlight quietly penetrated the fog and glinted on Hayate's headband as he was lifted into the air, immobilized. Sand...?! But it didn't matter--Hayate was completely helpless, and, to a ninja, that meant finished. He closed his eyes.

"It's over," he told Yugao quietly over the headset. "I love you." The sand stopped moving. The second enemy stared.

"_What_ did you say?" the enemy asked. Hayate's eyes snapped open, and he gave the kid a malevolent 'I didn't know it was Inconsiderate Day' glare. Wait. Kid?! The mist ninjas weren't kids...

"Gaara!" shouted an adult voice. "Stop! He's not from Kiri—he's from _Konoha_!"

"Oh, Hayate, what's wrong, are you going to die, speak to me, ohhh, Hayateeee.....!!" cried Yugao into the headset.

An adult ninja walked into the room and bent down by the kid called Gaara in what might have been supposed to be a friendly manner. His headband was on his forehead, identifying the group as one from Suna.

"Gaara," the teacher (what else could he be?) said coaxingly, "can you hold off on killing this guy for a minute? He's from _Konoha_. That village is_ friends_ with Suna, remember? You're going there to take the _chunin exam_."

Gaara turned to face his teacher. The teacher gave him a significant look. Gaara glared back, but, to Hayate's immense relief, the kid said "whatever" and looked at the floor. But he didn't quite let Hayate go... the teacher straightened and turned to Hayate.

"Hello," he said. "I am Baki of Suna, and my pupils and I are on a mission in this area. I am terribly sorry you were attacked. We thought you were someone else. Might I inquire as to your purpose here?"

"Urrm... Baki-san," Hayate said nervously, "Gaara isn't going to... he won't really...?" Yugao's frantic questions had become incoherent by now.

"I hope not," Baki said confidently.

"Oh, that's good," Hayate said uncertainly. "I am Gekko Hayate of Konoha, and I am also on a mission to this area. _I_ thought _you_ were someone else—sorry about the knife—is, um, whoever I hit okay?"

The phrase 'Is whoever I hit okay?' was not one often used among ninjas, but Hayate figured that, in a situation like this, too polite was better than not polite enough. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he was wondering why in the world _Baki_ was being so polite and why was Konoha so special all of a sudden, but that was really the least of his worries at the moment.

"How's Temari, Kankuro?" Baki asked his third student.

"She's--" began Kankuro.

"I'm just fine," growled a girl's voice. "Honestly, it's just one knife to a non-vital area. I'm not a priceless vase or something."

"She's just fine, thanks for asking," Baki said. "Might I ask why you didn't aim for a vital area?"  
"I did," Hayate said nervously, "but she'd just thrown a knife, and her arm was blocking.. um, have I told you you've really got a talented bunch?"

"No," Baki said, "but thank you. And they're not quite _exceptional_... they're still genins, after all..." he turned to the kids, his expression hardening. "Can any of you tell me _how_ Hayate-san knew that you were coming?" Temari and Kankuro looked at the ground. Gaara scowled at Hayate, his appreciation of Baki's reminder quite obvious.

"I'm ashamed of all of you," Baki said. "We should have found out he was a Konohan when we turned him over, not like this! You could be the most powerful ninja there was, but it wouldn't amount to a thing if you don't have good _stealth!_"

Hayate tried not to look at Gaara, but the sand wouldn't let him turn his head. The sand was also too tightly packed for a nervous gulp, so he was left with drooling pathetically.

"What mission are you here for?" Baki asked Hayate, almost conversationally. Hayate told him.

"Interesting," Baki said, surprised. "We're here for the same mission. A resident in this village has connections in Suna and radioed our village asking for help, and I thought I'd give my students a little more practice before the chunin exam. Now... how many other party members do you have? I see they've had the sense to stay hidden after hearing your side of the conversation." So Baki had seen the radio headset.

"Just one," Hayate said, "and also a summoned creature."

"Okay," Baki said, "tell the ninja to come up here so we can talk over our next move—you'd like to work together, yes?"

"Of course," Hayate said. The assembled ninjas were from different villages and naturally wanted to keep all foreigners in plain sight.

"Good," Baki said. "Gaara! Let Hayate-san down. I believe he is our friend."

Gaara glared at the universe in general and lowered his hand. The sand hissed back into his gourd, and Hayate fell to the ground, landing on his feet. Ninjas always land on their feet.

"Thank you," Hayate told Gaara. Politeness never killed anybody, but Gaara obviously could.

"Yugao," he said into the headset, "there are some ninjas here from Suna, and they've offered to merge groups because they have the same mission. Could you come up to Tazuna's house? ... ... ... No, I am seriously not at knifepoint. You know I value your life over mine. ... ... ... Nobody's at knifepoint! ... ... ... Okay, you too. Hey, I'm _fine!_" Baki seemed to be looking at him funny.

"You and her married or going out?" Temari asked bluntly. Hayate opened his mouth and shut it again. He didn't have any defenses for this kind of attack. He turned to Baki. Baki was looking the other way with a "_whose_ student said that?" expression. Suddenly, Yugao was in the room. She stood next to Hayate and introduced herself. Baki introduced himself and his team.

"Now," he told the kids, "did you hear a thing? That was a _perfect_ example of what I was talking about."

"Yes, Sensei," chorused Temari and Kankuro.

"Whatever," said Gaara.

"What?" Yugao asked, confused.

"Sensei thinks we could've killed your boyfriend if we'd been quieter," Temari said airily.

"Do I detect a hint of jealousy?" Yugao asked sweetly without skipping a beat.

"Not at all," Temari said calmly. "I'm never going to get married. I'm going to become a legend all by myself. Who needs men to--Eeee! Where did you get that???" Temari had seen the frog pin.

"Birthday present," Yugao said, grinning.

"She's so cuute!" Temari said. Hayate's mouth twitched.

"Are you two going to spend all day squealing over a stupid frog?" Gaara asked.

"So, what's our plan of action?" Hayate said loudly before Yugao could say anything. He didn't want her to get Gaara mad.

"We need to trade information first," Baki said. "My team and I got here about fifty minutes ago, but we haven't found the enemies yet, and none of the civilians know where they are. Do you..."

Hayate shook his head. "We just got here," he said.

"I thought so," Baki said.

"Wait," Yugao said, "You've talked to civilians? Where did you find them?"

"In the storm cellars," Baki said.

It made sense. Everyone in an island village would need somewhere to go when the inevitable storms came. Where else would be safer against invading ninjas?

"Now," Baki said, "Do you have anything?" Hayate nodded.

"This," he said, handing Baki Kakashi's report.

"Contents: two hammers..." began Baki.

"Other side," said Hayate.

"What? Oh, I see. Why—"

"Don't look at me, _I_ didn't write it."

"This is really hard to read."

"Tell me about it."

They waited while Baki skimmed the paper.

"This is helpful," Baki said at last. "It explains the damage to the bridge and why you were poking around this house. So all our opponents wanted was to make the bridge unusable and to kill the bridgebuilder... I hate to say it, but, since one civilian can't last against two ninjas for very long and since the town is so empty and quiet, I think our work here is done. We'll just write a sympathy card for Tsunami and—"

"Wait just a minute," Yugao said angrily. "I can see that Tazuna's _probably_ dead, but we can't give up until we're sure! Shame on you!"

"And how could he possibly have survived?" Baki asked.

"Well...I don't know," Yugao said, "but...if he did die, ninjas wouldn't stop to bury him, right? So we would have found him in the house if he was dead."

"No, we would have found him in the storm cellar," Gaara said, exasperated at having to point out the painfully obvious. There was silence.

"We didn't check the storm cellar yet," Hayate said.

"Okaaay, let's check the storm cellar," Baki said. "You might want to stay up here if you don't like gory stuff."

"You might want to stay up here if you don't want to be proven wr--"

"Hey!" Hayate said. "We'll see when we get there!"

They all trooped down the stairs and out of the house. The storm cellar was back on land.

"The trap door's wide open," Baki said.

"The padlock isn't broken," Yugao said.

"Let's go down," Hayate said.

The door had apparently been open for a rather long time because there was water all over the place from the rain. It was pitch dark and dead quiet. Somebody found a light switch, and everybody could see that nobody was there.

"So what do we do now?" Kankuro asked. "Is the bridgebuilder dead or alive?"

"Maybe we could look around the village," Hayate said. "If he's dead, he wouldn't have been able to go very far before the ninjas got him."

"Wait," Temari said, "look. There's a note tacked to the wall."

They all crowded around the hastily scribbled message. It read:

Dear Tsunami,

I cannot stay here while ninjas destroy my village looking for me. I am making for Konoha to lead them away. I hope I get there before they catch me. I hope you are alive and well. Perhaps I will be also. In any case, I hope Inari can see a hero in his grandfather too.

With love,

Father

"Let's check outside," Baki said.

"How would he get to Konoha?" Kankuro said. "Konoha is miles away... and this is an island. Think he can swim?"

"Probably used a boat," Hayate said. The sand ninjas were obviously not very accustomed to large bodies of water. How would they have gotten to the island in the first place if there hadn't been a mostly-intact bridge...?

"But mist ninjas could take a boat easy," Temari said. "They'd just have to rise up out of the water and, bam! Mission accomplished! Why would the bridgebuilder even try?"

They walked back up the stairs and out of the storm cellar. Maybe Baki was right and they were overthinking it... but something just felt out of place, and a ninja should never ignore something that feels out of place.

"Look, there's a boat," Baki said, pointing to one tied to the pier. "Since the mist ninjas are back in Kiri celebrating their victory, we can safely go out on the ocean to find out where the bridgebuilder's floating so we can go home."

Hayate looked at the boat... and he looked closer. It was a motorboat. Something wasn't right... but what? Of course... there was a big dent in the motor, as if someone had taken a hammer to it. Why? He looked closer. At the pier, there was space for more boats, and two empty ropes were dangling into the ocean. He walked closer.

"I was seriously joking," Baki said dryly. Hayate pulled one of the ropes out of the water. It was very short. Someone had cut it. Hayate took a deep breath.

"Tazuna made it to a motorboat and sabotaged the other ones so the mist ninjas couldn't follow him with one, and he was so far and going so fast by the time they got to the pier that they knew that they didn't have enough chakra to catch him and finish him off so they followed him in one of the remaining boats and they're going to kill him the moment he runs out of fuel and they catch up," he said. The others stared at him.

"How did you do that?" Kankuro asked.

"Well, I just looked around and thought about it..." Hayate said evasively. He wasn't about to admit that he watched Death Note every... Oh. That was today. Ending about twenty minutes ago. Wonderful.

"I think you're right about what happened," Baki said after mulling it over, "but I still think we should call it quits, this time in the interest of not throwing our lives away on a whim. Do you seriously think it's wise to pursue them on the off chance that Tazuna will be still alive by the time we get there? The ocean is their element. Their attacks are all water-based. Do you really want to follow them into the largest-known body of water in existence?"

The waves sloshing gently against the peer suddenly sounded ominous. The foggy sea stretched on for what seemed like forever. The three genins stared gravely out on the water. It was, like as not, their first time by the sea, maybe Baki's too. The combination of the mist ninjas' experience and the wind ninjas' inexperience could prove deadly. And yet...

"Baki," Hayate said suddenly, "the ocean may be their element, but that doesn't mean it can't be our element too. Think--what's _under_ the ocean?"

Baki looked confused. "Um... fish," he said finally.

"No," Hayate said, "under the fish. _Sand_."

Gaara's head shot up.

*****************

The boat skimmed across the ocean. Temari's huge fan was open and positioned in the middle of the boat, Baki behind it supplying a strong breeze. Wind was elementary for a wind ninja to summon, and Yugao had given Baki one of the military rations pellets she'd thought to bring, so the system worked well. Hayate and Yugao were in the stern, and Gaara was in the prow—the Konohans weren't about to let a giant fan block the Sunans from their sight. The tension had slackened, but it was still there. Kankuro and Etsuko were back in the village just in case the mist ninjas came back.

An hour passed. Gaara's sand eye, yards in front of the boat, guided them through the fog. Another hour passed. The moon became visible for a short while then hid again... waves lapped against the side of the boat...but no dark shapes rose up. Everything was quiet. The boat moved on. Baki was watching Hayate, who appeared to be asleep. He probably wasn't really asleep but only pretending so he could better observe Baki and Temari. Baki did not miss the three fingers curled loosely around the handle of a kunai knife. Here was truly a ninja in his element—trying to stay one step ahead of every threat, ready to plunge a sharp object into anything that looked ready to do the same to him. It was a harsh, cruel life, but it was the way of a ninja. Baki only wished _he'd_ thought to pretend to be asleep first. As Baki stared coldly at Hayate, Yugao regarded her love with the kind of "aaaww, it's _sleeping_" look most people reserved for cats. She reached down and stroked his hair.

"Gaahh! Whut—whazgoingon?!" Hayate sqwawked. His eyes snapped open; he sat bolt upright, pulled out the kunai knife, dropped it, and looked around wildly.

"Shh, nothing, Silly," Yugao said, laughing. "You were sleeping."

"Aww, you should have woken me earlier," Hayate mumbled, wiping his mouth to remove the drool Baki had failed to notice before. "What time is it? How long was I sleeping?"

"A long time," Baki growled.

"I'm really sorry about that," Hayate said. "I summoned the lizard before I came, I've been up all night..."

Gaara listened through the fan. What idiots. HE never slept. ... ... ...

Wait. What was that? The sand eye moved closer to the floating object up ahead. It was a boat. An empty boat. Gaara suddenly realized how much noise the others had been making.

"Sensei, there's—" he began. Dark shapes rose out of the water.

"We're under attack!"

**************

The group behind the fan had seen the shapes out of the corners of their eyes an instant before Gaara's warning. Hayate had his sword out, Temari was holding her fan in a more "ready for action" position, and Yugao was holding a kunai knife in each hand. Baki didn't get anything out, but he had a scary "bring it" look.

A mist ninja flipped over the boat—every ear could hear the zak-zak-zak-zak-zak-zak-zak of the barbed chain that followed him. According to Kakashi's report, a student had broken the chain, but it seemed they'd had a spare.

Yugao threw a knife at the other one, but it clanged off of his headband. He was sinking into the water. Their plan was slowly becoming apparent: one ninja flips over the boat and swims under it, the other one swims under from the opposite direction, and then they retract the chain and rip the boat in half. Temari had other ideas. Her fan shot out and caught the jumping ninja mid-leap before he hit the water. With an evil grin for such a young girl, she propped the fan on the edge of the boat and let Baki stomp on it. The lever worked perfectly. They could hear a muffled "aieee!!!" as the mist ninja went flying back, trailing the chain behind him. Hayate impulsively shot his sword into the chain, and, with perfect accordance with the laws of physics, the attached ninja swung down and slammed into the side of the boat. Hayate disentangled his sword as the other ninja rose up on the other side of the boat. Then—swoosh!—the whole world dropped fifteen feet. The sand Gaara had summoned had finally arrived, and it now held the boat high above the water in a giant hand. The mist ninjas, previously in the water on both sides of the boat, chain underneath, now dangled on both sides of the hand. But they did not stay trapped for long. The ninja who hadn't hit the boat and had more of his wits about him disconnected the chain from his claw and fell into the water with a splash. The weight of his companion was no longer balanced, and the second ninja fell too, only more slowly as the deadly chain zakked after him, ripping a hole in the bottom of the boat. A smaller sand hand came out of the bigger one (the boat dropped a few feet) and grabbed the second mist ninja, but he was collected enough to turn into water and slip through the grainy fingers. There was silence for a moment, then the Konohans and Sunans could see the Kirians' boat shoot off into the darkness after Tazuna. Gaara growled and gave chase.

"This isn't going to last," Baki said after a while.

"Why not?" Yugao asked.

"The sand is very wet," Baki said gravely. "The water makes it really heavy and hard for Gaara to manipulate. If he runs out of chakra while we're at sea, we'll sink because of the hole in the boat. I hate to say it, but I think it would be wise to start looking for an island." Hayate's eyes narrowed. The reasoning was logical… but why was Baki always holding back so much? The Sunan obviously had something on his mind that was more important to him than the mission at hand. He didn't know what it was, but he did know that Tsunami and Inari were counting on them, and unless Baki sat him down and explained himself, the Sunan wasn't going to stand between Hayate and his job.

"Creep One and Creep Two have a boat," he said, guarded resentment creeping into his voice. "If you don't mind, I'm gonna go get it."

**********

The art of substitution was a basic move, but it was quite formidable if you knew what to do with it. The two mist ninjas found that out when the boat they were pushing was suddenly transported to their pursuers and replaced by a satisfied Hayate. But the two were not interested in finding out what their enemy planned to leave them with to get back. A clawed hand, lightning-fast, shot out of the water and yanked Hayate under by the vest. Yugao screamed as he hit the water with a splash. All that was visible now were the bottoms of his sandals where there was still concentrated chakra... then, after jerking around a little, they disappeared as well.

"Idiot," said Gaara.

Yugao punched a wall of sand in front of Gaara's face. Gaara looked surprised. So did Baki and Temari. There was an unpleasant silence. Yugao looked from one Sunan to another, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Do you have no concept of love?" she asked Gaara with a barely-contained fury, then abruptly turned her back on his confusion, pulling out her ANBU sword and jumping out of the boat. She never hit the water. A sand hand had her firmly about the middle. She began to flail and scream but suddenly stopped. A huge mass of sand was rising out of the water in front of her, Hayate's head just visible near the top. The mist ninjas were near the bottom, one caught by the claw, the other dangling by the chain. They quickly turned into water and fell back into the sea, but Hayate was deposited safely into the boat he had gotten. Yugao was carried there as well. She ran to Hayate the minute Gaara released her. When it was clear that he was alive and more or less okay and that the mist ninjas weren't going to attempt retaliation quite yet, she turned to Gaara. He was watching them with intense curiosity but abruptly looked away when he caught Yugao's look of intense gratitude.

"Idiot," he said again quietly.

"You... you... thank you...!" Yugao said.

"True that," Hayate said appreciatively, shivering and coughing up water. "Thanks!"

Appreciation.

Gaara's next expression was not that of one who has just been told that Santa Claus is not real. It was that of one who's just caught Santa Claus in their living room and heard him say "So, I hear folks around here think I'm not real..." Gaara opened his mouth to say something, but Yugao had already turned back to fussing over Hayate. The genin's expression hardened. Make a big fuss when he actually used his power to _save_ someone's life then leave him in the cold. The world was full of idiots that loved other idiots, and not one of them could find it in them to notice how terribly alone he was. But his defenses against that loneliness…he'd built them up until they were as strong as his defenses against everything else. Why had he gone and done that? Partly out of curiosity... and partly because he'd thought that maybe, just maybe, he could have a piece of that love the idiots played with if he did something good for them. But the piece he had gotten was small and hollow, barely a piece at all.

_Do YOU have any concept of love?_ he asked Yugao mentally. _Love... don't tell ME about love. And if you hit me one more time, I'm going to kill you._

Baki was debating whether or not to scold Gaara…after all, he'd just ruined a perfect opportunity to blamelessly be rid of one, maybe both Konohans and maybe one, possibly both Kirians as well. But Gaara had that look again—the strange, inhuman look of one who's decided that their race is worthless and has to go. That look was one of the few things that Baki could honestly say scared him. Better not... maybe later. Meanwhile, Hayate was painedly groping at his middle. Yugao just about died when she found the long, cruel chain wrapped around him multiple times, almost completely buried in his vest from the pressure of the sand. Gaara did not see Yugao's second eternally grateful look or all of the love it contained. He had already looked away, his mind made up.

"Think they have a third (ow) chain?" Hayate asked as he and Yugao carefully pulled up the second one.

"I wouldn't think so," Yugao said, her voice shaky. "This thing's really big and probably hard to carry. But you never know... Oh! Did their claws get you? The report said that the claws were poisonous."

"N--(ow)," Hayate said. "I think they were more interested in killing me than poisoning me."

"This vest is a wreck," Yugao said after a while. "It would still look bad if I sewed it up. I think you need a new one."

"Oh, joy," Hayate said.

"You go through these (oh! sorry, you okay?) things pretty fast," Yugao said. "Remember when there was that barbed wire fence and you—"

"Yes," Hayate said quickly, "vividly." He didn't think that the Sunans needed to hear that story despite Temari's obvious interest.

"Look," Hayate said later as Yugao freed a portion of chain from his shoulder. "(ow) Right there would have Mrs. Frog if they'd gotten you."

"Hoppy-chan is my special missions buddy," Yugao said sternly. The frog had a _name_ too?? Hayate felt betrayed by the universe.

"Please, not the frog again," Baki said quickly. Gaara's expression had worsened the second the miserable amphibian had been brought up.

"Why not?" Hayate asked cautiously. There was an urgency in Baki's voice that didn't seem necessary. But it was necessary, and what Yugao said next, against Baki's unspoken warning, would change the course of the whole mission.

"But I _wuv_ my frog," she said.

Dead silence.

"It's a _frog_, Mother," said a terrible voice. It sounded like a deeper, twisted version of Gaara's normal voice. "It's not _even_ a frog, Mother. It's a piece of metal with a _picture_ of a frog on it. Why? _Why_ does she love it? I don't know. Should I kill them? I should kill them. Yes, kill them, for you, Mother..." Baki's face drained of color. If the Konohans saw Gaara's true self before the chunin exam... The brown-haired, suspicious one was already staring... Was there a way to inconspicuously be rid of them?... then he heard Temari's voice, and with it he felt a ray of pure hope.

"Your beau's shivering," Temari told Yugao in a calm, this-happens-to-Gaara-all-of-the-time-so-let's-look-over-here-now voice, one that conveyed the opposite of her true feelings.

"What?" Yugao asked, looking at Hayate.

"Only a little," Hayate said, shivering. Baki watched, hardly daring to hope that Temari's plan would work. Gaara was now giving Mother a very poetic description of blood.

Baki shouldn't have worried.

"Ohmigoodness, you're right," Yugao squeaked. "He got pulled underwater, and it's all cold and foggy out; I didn't think about that!!"

"What's Gaara doing?" Hayate asked, trying not to shiver and failing.

"When I say my brother is completely out of his mind, I'm seriously not joking," Temari said, laughing it off.

"Oh, Hayate, you look terrible," Yugao said worriedly.

"...all for you, Mother. The blood is all for you..."

"Something's—(cough)—wrong with Gaara," Hayate said, trying to see past Temari.

"Ooh, something's wrong with _you_," Temari said, clucking disapprovingly. "You don't sound so good, and Yugao's right—you look _terrible!_"

Baki watched in amazement as Yugao lost any interest she might have had in Gaara and fussed over Hayate, effectively stifling his _growing_ interest in Gaara. Temari had practically saved Suna.

"Yugao, I'm fine, really—"

Temari slipped away, her work done for the moment, and turned a frightened face to Baki. After a hurried conversation, Temari went back to the Konohans.

"Look," she said, "There's no way your friend's going to dry off in this fog. There's an island over there. Since the mist ninjas don't have a chain anymore, they're not as formidable, and we'd still outnumber them if you two went to the island and made a fire. We could borrow a radio headset so you can contact us if you need something."

"Wha—no," Hayate said, trembling violently in the stiflingly cold fog. "I'm not going to die or anything, and we need to—(cough, cough, cough, HACK...)" It was settled then.

*******************************

"You know we're never going to get back," Hayate said sourly. He looked truly miserable sitting hunched on the beach as Yugao searched for wood that was at least reasonably dry. His wet vest hung in wet, bloodstained ribbons from the Kirians' chain, and he shivered every time the faint wind picked up.

"N-no, I gave them your radio headset," Yugao said. "Once they've found Tazuna, they'll let us know and pick us up."

"And sweet little Temari isn't going to—(cough, cough)—accidentally drop it into the ocean,?"

"Hey," Yugao said, "if they'd wanted to kill us, they wouldn't have pulled you out of the water or stopped me from rescuing you."

"And if they weren't hiding something," Hayate glowered, shivering, "they wouldn't have dumped us on this island. Baki's got something on his mind that he doesn't want us to know about, Yugao. I highly doubt they're going to look for Tazuna. If Gaara hadn't seemed so _creepy mad _at you all of a sudden, I never would have allowed this."

"Look, I care about you, okay?" Yugao said angrily. Hayate sighed.

"Alright, fair enough," he said. "We're still alive, I guess. (cough, cough, cough)"

"Right," Yugao said. "And you're not looking for Tazuna sounding like _that_."

"If you say so. We can't now, anyway."

"They probably have everything under control," Yugao said firmly. "Now, help me get this fire going, and get into your change of clothes before you freeze to death."

********************

"Temari, shove that thing in your backpack! They might be listening," Baki said, waving a worn teddy bear in front of the half-Gaara, half-creature _thing_ in the front of the boat.

"Already did," Temari panted from behind her fan that blocked Gaara from view. "Gaara," she called soothingly, "it's me, Temari! How's Mom?"

Their attempts at pacifying the creature back into Gaara were slowly working. A good thing, too—the boat certainly couldn't handle Ichibi's full weight.

"The bear is scared, Gaara," Temari continued. "It doesn't like it when you get all scary! Let's calm down and make teddy happy!...."

About ten minutes later, Gaara was back.

"Put that bear back in with my stuff right now," he growled angrily.

Baki almost dropped it in his hurry.

"Let's get on with this stupid mission," Gaara continued. "I want to get my hands on a pair of idiots I can actually kill." He turned around and stared silently ahead into the fog. It was silly to try to understand the world. Once you had a working strategy, it was better to try to survive and leave understanding to people who would actually like what they found out. As Gaara bitterly watched the waves, Baki adoringly (for Baki) watched Temari.

"Temari, you little genius," he said affectionately, ruffling her hair. "You saved us." How quick she was... how deadly to anything she didn't want in her way...

"Cool," Temari said, reaching up and patting Baki's hand. "You're a teacher and you're playing with my hair. My parents wouldn't like _this_! If they find out, that is. Now I can have you fired whenever I want. Say, I have an idea! We could stop for ice cream before we reach Konoha! How 'bout that, Sensei?"

Sharp as a double-edged sword...

*********************

"So how'd you get that scar on your back?" Yugao asked Hayate as they sat by the fire.

"Lack of privacy," he said without skipping a beat.

"You cough like that, I look up automatically," Yugao said defensively. "I can't help it!"

Hayate grinned. "Chunin exam," he said, coughing. "Forest of Death. My team was really unlucky—first, we could only seem to run into people who had earth scrolls, then, when we'd accumulated four and were beginning to think—(cough, cough, cough)—we'd never get a heaven scroll, we were attacked by a bunch of teams who only had heaven scrolls."

"Oh my," Yugao said.

"Yeah, I know," Hayate replied. "If we hadn't lost most of them by accidentally straying into a fire and colony, we—(cough)—would have dropped out for sure. I think that when my team eventually made it to the center tower, we had two heaven scrolls and one earth scroll."

"Crazy," Yugao said. "When my team did the chunin exam, they stopped the scroll battle halfway through and made us do something else because some smart alec had been caught smuggling in a bunch of fake, lookalike scrolls."

"Must've been Idiot Mizuki," Hayate said wryly. "He was on my team, but he lost miserably in the third round and had to take the exam again. He kept telling us—(cough, cough)—that he had a master plan for making the Forest of Death 100 times easier."

"Idiot Mizuki?" Yugao asked.

"Back then, everybody—(COUGH)—called him that behind his back," Hayate said. "He wasn't stupid, but he was mean and obnoxious. Last I heard of him was in the news a while ago when he got put in prison. It really doesn't surprise me."

"What a shame," Yugao mused. She got up, put another piece of wood on the fire, and sat back down.

"You seem to be limping a little," Hayate said. "You okay?"

"What? Oh! Yes! Just fine!" Yugao said. "I just still have shin splits from the ANBU Movie Event, that's all."

"_Movie_ Event? Why would..." Hayate began.

"It's really hard to explain," Yugao said, grinning to herself. "But I will say that ANBU is a really awesome organization. Why aren't you a member? You're certainly good enough..."

"Because ANBU is an elitist cult," Hayate said dismissively, "and every member is crazy except for the ones who survive past about 32, and _they're_ battle-scarred and serious. Oh, I almost forgot the hotsnot kids like Uchiha Itachi—(cough)—who don't fit in with the grown ups and plot to destroy the world during lunch breaks. I don't want to go back into a clique-y, ninja-academy-like environment, and I don't know how you've managed to stay so sane in one."

"Oh, Hayate," Yugao scolded, "I _am too_ crazy! And we're _ninjas_. It's not as if we're likely to survive past 32. Can't we be crazy while we have time?"

"Don't talk like that," Hayate said. "If I have anything to say about it, you'll live to be 100. And—(cough, cough)—_your_ kind of crazy is okay because _you_ haven't lost your mind."

"I still think you should join," Yugao said. "You're really missing out."

"Sorry, not my niche," Hayate said. "And you don't have to be L to notice how frequently ANBU people turn up in the obituaries... in fact, it kind of worries me that you—"

"Oh! We missed Death Note!"

"Yeah, I know. You should ask Anko what happened this week and fill me in," Hayate said.

"I still can't believe you're rooting for Light," Yugao said disapprovingly.

"Well, it's not like I can root for L," Hayate said darkly.

"Hayate. L is a fictional character. As in he doesn't exist. And I don't like him anywhere near as much as I like you," Yugao said. "We've been over this."

"L needs to shave his head," Hayate said. Combine the saucer eyes and bad posture with a shaved head and you got something that looked like Gollum, and Gollum never threatened anybody.

"Eeek, no! No... now I've got that image stuck in my head! I hope you're happy," Yugao said.

She looked so pouty and defiant that Hayate started laughing. Yugao laughed too. L was forgotten as they laughed together under the invisible stars—as Hayate broke off coughing, as Yugao thumped him on the back and nearly knocked him over, as they laughed again over that.

"I wonder if the others have found Tazuna yet," Yugao said eventually, playing idly with Hayate's hair. "I feel kind of mean enjoying myself if he's either dead or alone and scared in the middle of the ocean."

"I'd suggest radioing them in, but I don't think they'd appreciate it," Hayate said. "They're not exactly used to boats, and the mist ninjas could attack at any time. I sure hope that Tazuna is—hey, no braiding, okay?"

"You know I know better," Yugao said, sounding the slightest bit hurt.

"You didn't last time," Hayate said, grinning.

"Well, I definitely know now," Yugao said. There was silence.

"What were we talking about?" Hayate asked.

"Umm.... something important... Tazuna!"

"That was it. Right. I don't think we can really do anything."

They both tensed.

A presence.

Something.

A millisecond later, they could hear the footsteps. Someone was crashing about farther back in the woods, coming towards them. Whoever it was wasn't a ninja because a ninja wouldn't make that much noise, but the Konohans were still on the alert when a figure finally came free of the greenery. It saw them, stopped, then kept coming.

"Allllright, _ninjas_, I'm just about fed up. With you two," said none other than Tazuna. His voice was slurred, and he had an empty sake bottle in one hand. "See, this is an ambush for you," Tazuna growled. "I ain't going to, to sit and hide anymore. See, I'm armed!" He waved the bottle around in what was supposed to be a threatening manner.

"We're not—(cough)—the ninjas who were chasing you, we're friends," Hayate said slowly, as if he were addressing a two-year old. "See my headband? I'm from Konoha. Like Kakashi. Remember Kakashi?... and, uh, if you really intend to use that bottle as a weapon, you might want to break it first." Yugao smacked him disapprovingly. Tazuna looked at the bottle as if seeing it for the first time.

"Annd why would I wanna do that?" he asked finally.

"You wouldn't," Yugao said quickly. "Please, we're here to protect you. You can calm down now, everything's going to be okay."

"Nobody's protecting me," Tazuna growled. "'M all alone, n' there are ninjas after me. But I already said it—ain't gonna run anymore. Who'm I kidding... 'm never going to get to Konoha alive. Mighwell go with a fight!" Hayate rolled his eyes and used the art of transformation to assume the shape of Kakashi (he had the headband over the wrong eye and the hair going the wrong way, but Tazuna was in no state to notice fine details).

"Tazuna," he said, "there you are! Don't worry—(cough, cough, cough)—about those ninjas, they're no match for me!"

"Ka--Kakashi?!" Tazuna exclaimed, surprised. "Where were you all this time? Come on, you can do what you did last time—'m counting on you!" The bridgebuilder's relief at seeing "Kakashi" left too few reasons for him to stay vertical, and he quietly passed out. Hayate assumed his normal shape while Yugao picked up the empty bottle disapprovingly.

"Not a wise coping mechanism," she said, frowning.

"You can't really blame him," Hayate said. "Remember, he spent hours alone in a motorboat in the middle of the ocean knowing that he was most likely going to be ripped to shreds by ninjas."

"I guess you're right... poor thing," Yugao said. "I'd better radio in the others so they know we've found him."

Hayate waited for it.

"They're not there," Yugao said worriedly.

"Radio in Etsuko and tell her to run back to Konoha and let them know we're stuck on an island somewhere by—(cough)—Kirigakure and we can't get back," Hayate said dryly.

"Etsuko would have disappeared after you fell asleep in the boat, remember?" Yugao said nervously. "If I tried to reach her, I'd probably just get Kankuro, and...I think you're right, the Sunans aren't the most trustworthy."

"Great, then, we're stuck," Hayate said. "Let's build a fort, tame wild goats, befriend local savages..."

"Wait... Tazuna had a boat," Yugao said. "He probably left it in the woods!"

"You're right," Hayate said, getting up. "I'll go—(cough, cough, _cough_)—find it."

"No, you're sick," Yugao said sternly. "_I'll_ go find it."

"Okay, okay, fair enough," Hayate said, sitting back down. Yugao headed for the woods.

********************

They'd given up. Mist ninjas never did, but there was a first time for everything, especially when one of your pursuers starts turning into a _thing_... a terrible _thing_ that reeked of chakra and craved death. They did not fear death, but they did fear dying at the _claws_ of _that thing. _Forget finding the bridgebuilder if it meant facing _that thing_. They rose out of the water and walked up the beach of a nearby island, not quite sure what to do next. One noticed fresh footprints in the sand and pointed them out to the other one. They cautiously followed the footprints into the woods and found a motor boat hidden in the bushes. So Tazuna was here—they didn't need to give up after all! Someone was coming. The mist ninjas hid in the trees and waited.

*************************

Yugao approached the boat. It wasn't really hidden, just shoved in the woods so it couldn't be seen from the ocean. She pushed it up on its side, then onto its stern and positioned a bench over her shoulders. With all of the superhuman strength of a ninja, she began to pull it back to the part of the beach where Hayate and Tazuna were waiting. Something heavy thudded onto the overturned bottom. Yugao gave a little shriek, and her legs buckled under the sudden weight. Something else dropped down in front of her. A wicked metal claw slashed out at her, sacrificing accuracy for speed. She cried out again and clutched her shoulder. Hoppy-chan fell quietly to the ground. Yugao shrank back as much as the boat would allow and hastily drew a kunai knife. Her shoulder was beginning to go numb, and she remembered the poison on the claws with a start. The claw came again, more deliberately this time, and she only just managed to deflect it away from her face. Tears welled up in her eyes—she was too scared to do anything, she was going to die, the third swipe would surely—

But there was no third swipe. All of a sudden, Hayate was there, and he savagely punched the ninja in the face. As the enemy hit and proceeded to slide down a tree, unconscious, Hayate quickly, wordlessly held the motorboat up so Yugao could scramble out, then dropped it, bringing himself and the second mist ninja face to face.

"Just me and you left," the enemy said, sizing up Hayate. "Not much of a contest, I see." Hayate coughed violently and drew his sword.

"They don't make you jonin because you spelled your name right on the application," he said, deadly calm.

"You're a jonin?" the mist ninja asked. Hayate's expression darkened.

"I'll let you find that out for yourself," he growled, then attacked. It was a fast-paced, deadly ninja fight that involved no strategy or complicated, chakra-draining moves. Sword—claw—sword—claw—sword—claw; clang—clash—clang—clash—clang—clash. A deer looked up from a bush it was nibbling. It saw Hayate and the mist ninja fighting tooth and claw, and it saw Yugao sitting against a tree and watching. The deer nodded (or did whatever a deer does that means the same thing) knowingly and went back to eating. Then Hayate's sword met the enemy's unprotected arm above the metal claw, and things rapidly started to wind down. Both ninjas were breathing heavily by the time Hayate held the enemy against a tree, his red-stained sword millimeters from his opponent's neck.

"What's your, problem?" the mist ninja panted, almost angrily. "I didn't insult, you too harshly, did I? Don't take stuff, so personally, everybody talks trash, before a fi—"

"You keep your claws, away from my girl," Hayate said.

"Oh. Eh... sorry?" the mist ninja said nervously.

"No, you're not. But I can, make you sorry, if you want," Hayate said warningly.

"No! I mean, please, don't," the mist ninja said. "Why did you spare me?"

"I couldn't find an opening before to finish you off quickly, and I don't think my lady wants to see me cut your miserable head off," Hayate said darkly. "I believe you owe her your life."

"I see... much appreciated, miss," the mist ninja said, looking at Yugao. She didn't say anything but sat against the tree, holding her shoulder and trying not to cry.

"I can make you thankful if you want," Hayate said dangerously.

Nobody said anything as Hayate dutifully tied up the two mist ninjas and did what he could for Yugao's wound. Figuring out how to get back to the beach was like figuring out the puzzle about getting corn, a goose, and a fox across a river using only one small rowboat, but Hayate made life easier for himself by dutifully knocking out the mist ninja he'd fought so he could carry Yugao back without worrying about the prisoners getting loose. On his way back with the boat, Hayate discovered a previously-unnoticed slashmark on one arm when he could only seem to feel the other one. He fixed it up as best as he could. The poison had already had somewhat of a chance to spread, so, by the time he was finished with the boat and everything, he felt quite miserable. But ninjas have many more hit points than normal people, so he still had the strength and the will to sit on the overturned boat, protectively watch the others (most importantly Yugao) sleep, and wait for the sun to come up.

*************************

It rained the next morning. If it had been hard to get a fire going last night, it was practically impossible now. Since most wilderness-survival meals require cooking before they're ok to eat, the group was forced to resort to military rations bars (tasteless, and considered food only because if you ate it, your body could use it for energy) and part of Yugao's apple for breakfast. The mist ninjas didn't get breakfast, not due to any cruelty on the part of the Konohans, but because they wouldn't let Hayate take their masks off. Nobody was in any kind of mood for chatting; Hayate had a worsening cough and a badly wounded arm, Yugao had a badly wounded shoulder, the mist ninjas were prisoners, Tazuna had a headache, and nobody had slept much at all the night before. Instead of chatting, they talked in tired voices of the best plan of action. They couldn't decide between heading for Kiri or Konoha—Kiri was closer and Hayate and Yugao needed medical attention, plus they could confirm whether or not Gatou was behind the mist ninjas' attack... but the village might not be friendly to wounded foreigners, and if the attack had been official business, Tazuna would be in great danger. Konoha was farther, but it was definitely safe... they seemed to be leaning towards Konoha when Tazuna spotted the boat. At first they thought it might be the Sunans, but, as it came closer, it was obviously way too big. Whoever it belonged to had certainly noticed them because it was coming up alongside the island. As Hayate was wondering out loud as to how they had been spotted through the rain and the fog, Yugao noticed the Kirian mist symbol flag and correctly identified it as a Kirian patrol boat. Ninjas. They waited expectantly—Kiri was coming to them. This could either be very good or very bad.

********************

"Alright, Gaara! That's awesome!!" Temari said as the sand rose out of the water, fish tails poking out and flopping madly all over.

"I don't need a freaking cheerleader," Gaara said stiffly.

"Kids, stop," Baki said.

"Don't call me a kid," Gaara growled. "I'll tell Mother." Baki shuddered.

"_Genins_, then" he said nervously. Gaara dropped the fish into the boat, and they started flopping around like crazy.

"Eeep!" Temari shrieked. "They're all slimy!! Gaara, why'd you _do_ that?"

"How was _I_ supposed to know they'd go ballistic?" Gaara said angrily.

"Genins, please!" Baki said. "Calm down! The fish can't breathe up here, so they probably want to get back into the water. Just spear a couple with your kunai knives and we can put the rest back—we can catch more easily when we need to. Don't make a hole in the boat."

They went to work. Temari ended up with the most fish because she would skewer any fish that got near her. Gaara ended up with the least because his sand shield kept the fish from hitting him and thus mostly out of reach. Only Baki actually picked up fish and threw them over the side, but the fish were so keen on returning to their home that, eventually, only an adequate-sized pile of dead ones remained.

"They're looking at me," Temari breathed.

"Let's eat already," Gaara said, picking one up.

"Woah, woah, we're eating them now?!" Temari asked. "Can you do that?" Most of the fish that came to Sunagakure were dried or preserved due to the long journey they had to make before they got there.

"I don't see why not," Gaara said, turning the fish over in his hands and trying to figure out whether one could just bite into it or if you had to cut it open to get at the meat. The nature chanel showed bears biting into fish all of the time, but animals often had different standards than people. Baki had cut his open, so Gaara finally did the same.

"These things sure have a lot of little bones," Baki said, pulling three out of his mouth. "Be careful, ki—genins." Gaara wordlessly spat out five or six bones.

"eew..." Temari said faintly.

"Not when you get hungry enough," Baki said. He'd eaten many things while on long missions that barely qualified as food, and fresh, raw fish was nothing compared to most of it. Temari looked down so she wouldn't have to see Gaara and Baki eating. Her eyes rested on the eyes of the fish on top of the pile. She looked quickly out to sea. And saw a dark shape through the rain.

"Sensei, there's a boat or something out there," she said. Baki and Gaara looked up. There_ was_ a boat, and it was coming straight towards them.

"That's going so fast it must have a motor," Gaara said. "Let's kill all the passengers and--"

"No, it's a Kirian patrol boat," Baki said, pointing out the flag. "About half of those passengers are skilled ninjas. Temari--quick, give me an explanation as to what we're doing here that doesn't involve tracking down mist ninjas!"

"We were doing a survival exercise," Temari recited, "but you couldn't handle a boat to save your life, so we got lost and now have no idea where we are."

"That works," Baki said gratefully. With Temari, you had to put up with how mean she could be if you wanted her help, and Baki was quite used to it by now. They waited as the boat approached them steadily and finally came up alongside them.

"That's them alright," said a familiar voice. Baki looked up and saw Hayate, Yugao, Tazuna, and the demon brothers standing together at the rail, almost companionably.

"You two!" he said. "And... those two... and is that the bridgebuilder?"

"Yep," Yugao said, "we found him on the island! I tried to radio you guys in and tell you, but nobody answered." Temari pulled the headset out of a backpack.

"Oh... I stuffed it in here so it wouldn't get wet and we forgot about it," she said. Yugao looked at Hayate. He looked hard at Temari. She didn't avoid his gaze, but she looked a little too on her guard to be telling the truth.

"What's the deal with those two," Baki asked, indicating the mist ninjas who had started the whole mess (and who were now looking at Gaara like he was going to bite them).

"These two," the ninja who was most likely the captain said, "were under the pay of Gatou, but he's dead now. No employer, no mission. They've already made it up with the bridgebuilder." (_Tazuna_ was looking at _them _like _they_ were going to bite_ him_.) "We wanted to pick you three up on our way to the Land of Fire—you are going there, for the chunin exam that's being held tomorrow, right?"

"Yes, we were," Baki said, relieved. So they were leaving this horrible, wet place at last. "My other student, Kankuro—"

"One of my crew is going to pick him up on a summoned bird," the captain said.

"Lucky," Temari muttered. Summoned creatures never failed to be 'so cuute.'

"Well, that's really good," Baki said happily (for Baki). Then he and his students were helped over the side of the larger boat, and two mist ninjas retrieved their smaller one. Another mist ninja pulled a floating piece of plastic out of the water.

"Littering is a huge problem here; the ocean is very big, and it's hard to trace culprits," the captain said sadly. "Every time I see some piece of garbage floating around, it makes me wish that the fines were higher." Hayate coughed nervously, then a few times for real.

There was nothing else to do, so the ninjas and Tazuna all went below. The rain dribbled into the ocean as the boat started up again, heading (for some) back home.

************

"Yeah, but jumping on the boat like that really scared me," Yugao was telling the demon brothers. "Plus I couldn't move very well—you guys are heavy! Really, when I'm angry enough and have room to swing, I'm much better. You know Jiraya the toad sage? I once knocked his lights out."

Ninjas only fight and kill for the protection of their village or for the completion of a mission—for their job—so they don't mean anything personal, nor do they take things too personally; they adjust well to changes in sides. One minute, you're trapped under a rowboat and getting clawed, the next minute you're chatting with the guy who clawed you. (One minute you and another ninja are working together on a mission, the next, you're fighting him on a lonely rooftop under the moonlight...)

"You seriously fougnt Jiraya?" Hayate asked. "And won?? When—(cough, cough)—was this?"

"I was at the hot springs and there he was up on the cliff peering down," Yugao said. "Yes—that face—exactly what I thought. Naturally, I was just plain mad—what if I hadn't been wearing a bathing suit?? Anyway, I scaled the cliff wrapped in a towel and gave him a beating I hope he'll never forget! He wasn't even fighting back, just trying to defend himself and babbling about doing research for a book about something I'm not going to mention in mixed company. I—"

"Bring it," Temari said crossly. She knew what 'mixed company' signified.

"You are way too curious," Yugao said. "Anyway, I was so upset, I told him that he had a good idea and maybe I had sufficient knowledge to write a book about _beating the snot out of perverted slobs_." There was silence for a moment.

"I'd hate to be this Jiraya person," said Tazuna.

"Wow," said Baki.

"How uncivil of him," said one of the Demon Brothers.

"Served him right," said the other one.

"You're cooler than you look," sniffed Temari.

"Why didn't you tell me about this before?!?" asked Hayate. "I should've hunted him down and knocked his lights out a second time!"

"I didn't want you to get hurt," Yugao said. "Jiraya's one of the Sanin, you know, and I think he'd fight back if _you_ attacked him."

"I hardly think he'd find an opening," Hayate said evilly.

"Yeah, that one's scary when he's angry," muttered the mist ninja with the bandaged arm.

"And you're scary all the time," Temari said. She wasn't sticking up for Hayate, she'd just found an opening.

"Aren't you a sweet little girl," the mist ninja said.

"I try," Temari said.

The group was sitting around a table in the dining area, talking to each other because it beat sitting in a corner bouncing a bouncy ball against the wall repeatedly. Gaara wasn't part of the group—he was sitting in a corner bouncing a bouncy ball against the wall repeatedly. Outside it was still raining.

A sailor poked his head through the door.

"Anybody want to see a shark?" he asked. There was a general chorus of "No thanks." Gaara said nothing but got up and dragged his feet over to the Kirian, an expression of pure boredom on his face. As they went out the door, a member of the medical staff came in. She measured out a dose of something and handed the spoon to Hayate.

"Oh, no, not that again," he said, edging away.

"Yes," the nurse said, "this again."

"You do realize that this stuff's not—(cough, cough)—fit for human consumption," Hayate said dejectedly, taking the spoon.

"Most people seem to think so," the nurse said. Hayate dutifully swallowed the spoon's contents ("Uughh...") and handed it back. Then he turned suddenly to Temari.

"Well?" he asked. "You're going to make fun of me now, right? What's it going to be? Is my face going to freeze that way? Am I acting like a little kid? Well?"

Temari's look of wounded surprise was utterly priceless.

"How's everyone doing?" the nurse asked. There was a chorus of words like "fine," "great," and "good."

"Super," the nurse said in the 'not-my-problem-but-if-you're-satisfied-that's-good' voice of an official. "Just to let you know, we should be at Konoha in about an hour." She left.

"Another hour," Temari groaned.

"When we were on a mission to the Land of Snow, an hour's wait turned into a day's wait because of ice," said one of the mist ninjas.

"You've been to the land of snow? The place where they're shooting the next _Princess Gale_?" Yugao asked...

*************************

The triangular fin was just visible through the rain.

"So that's a shark," Gaara said apathetically, leaning against the rail. "Like in aquariums, only out in the ocean ready to rip apart anybody stupid enough to fall in."

"Ha ha, I guess you could say that," the sailor said. "Oh—I hope this isn't too personal, but why do you have 'love' on your forehead?"

"Because love—" Gaara began.

"No, not why 'love' exactly," the sailor said. "I've got it on my arm myself. Why on your forehead? Isn't that a little conspicuous?"

Gaara buried his head in his arms. There was just too little intelligence to go around in the world.

"Sorry..." the sailor said hurriedly, "bad question. Hey, have you seen that foreign film _Jaws_?"

"I'm the Kazekage's son," Gaara glowered. "I have it on DVD, that and countless other pointless movies about idiots saving _complete_ idiots. And the monsters always die because they have too much power to be left alive. The shark in _Jaws_ was the ultimate killer, so it had to be killed. I generally hate movies."

"I've always thought it would be cool to be a monster," the sailor observed.

"It's not," Gaara said.

*****************************

When Tsunami and Inari saw Tazuna walk into the village, they screamed with joy and ran to him. Hayate watched Tazuna run to meet them, lifting Inari into the air. Something stirred within him. When Hayate had been younger, he'd wanted to be a Ninja—a stealthy hero-type with a curved sword in his hand and a whole library of deadly ninjutsu in his head, someone who rescued princesses and fought evil in the dead of night. But Konoha was not a village of such ninjas; most of its residents were just people who were also ninjas, not ninjas who were also people. The whole village was just a swamp of normality—who's secretly in love with who, what's on tv now, who passed the Chunin Exam... going on missions with people like Idiot Mizuki just lost their appeal after a while. The village wasn't one that tried to eliminate incompetence, it was one that tried to encourage competence, one that looked on competence in awe when it surfaced. Hatake Kakashi was one who had risen above the normality, but at what price—first enslaved by rules and ideals, then isolated in reputation and the loss of the friends he could have made. Hayate wasn't cut out for that kind of life. But he wasn't cut out for the normal sort either... he remembered the day he and Team 3 had gotten back from their first class-A mission. Mizuki had run around collecting attention and laughs with accurate descriptions of how he had personally messed everybody up and of how _mad_ Hayate and Sensei had been after fixing the problems and then going on to do most of the rest of the work. What's-her-name, Quiet Girl, had later asked Hayate if he thought Mizuki liked her or not. Then they'd all received the exact same portion of the pay. That day was Team 3's last day with Hayate. He'd left Sensei a brief note saying simply that he was leaving to find employment. Then he'd gotten the job as swordfighting instructor—he'd picked it partly because it let him set the level of expectations in his surroundings himself and partly because it was available and he rather liked electricity and food. Then Yugao had skipped down from the stars and into his life, and—

"You okay, sweetie?"

Hayate blinked and turned to Yugao. It never failed to thrill and amaze him how _concerned_ she always was if she thought something was wrong (when he wasn't on a life-or-death mission, that is).

"Yes, just fine," he said gently, then coughed heavily. "Well, apart from my cold, that is."

"Look how happy the little family is," Yugao said, smiling. At that moment, Inari caught sight of them, and his face lit up in recognition.

"Heroes!" he shouted. "You're heroes!"

Yugao grinned at Hayate, but when he didn't match her smile, she matched his frown.

"What's the matter?" she asked. Hayate told her. She was silent for a moment, then,

"Join ANBU." She was dead serious now. "It's the largest concentration of people who care you're going to find. You know, part of the reason they're so elitist is because they know that they have motivation and other people don't."

"Hm," Hayate said slowly. It was a promising sort of 'hm'.

"Hayate," Yugao said, encouraged, "ANBU people get all of the important missions,, they get cool uniforms, they know the best jokes... ANBU is truly the second-best thing that ever happened to me. You're the first, and if you joined ANBU, that would definitely make third."

"I think I'll look into it, then," Hayate said slowly. Yugao squeaked and hugged him.

"You won't regret it!!" she said happily. "We can go to the ANBU main office and I can talk you in, no problem!"

"Wait, right now?" Hayate asked. "I'm really sorry, but I don't have time today because I'm part of the Chunin Exam crew this year—how about tomorrow evening?"

"Chunin Exam?" Yugao asked. "That's not until tomorrow...and you said you had to proctor the third exam... isn't that a month from now?"

"Well, yes," Hayate said, "but I have to be present today to help set everything up for tomorrow, and then I have to be present tomorrow in case they need to hold preliminaries after the second exam and because I'm one of the backup people on standby during the second exam in case any genins get into trouble."

"Ugh," Yugao said.

"You'd be amazed at how many way genins can manage to get into trouble in the Forest of Death," Hayate said sourly. "I've heard stories... you'd think they were trying to see how stuck they could get before a jonin came along."

Images of Mizuki trying to pry open the mouth of a vicious-looking plant to see what was inside flickered disconcertingly through his memory like a strobe light.

"I just hope I don't actually get called on," he continued. "Genins can get pretty indignant, especially if it's their fourth or fifth time taking the exam."

"Heroes!"

Inari had come over to where they were. The two looked around and realized that the Sunans had slunk off somewhere. Tsunami and Tazuna were behind Inari: teary, respectful, and, above all, grateful.

"Thank you for saving Tazuna and our village!" Tsunami cried.

"Thanks a lot," Tazuna said gruffly, "with those ninjas out of the way, the bridge will be no problem to fix!"

And suddenly, something was right. Tazuna and his family weren't thanking edgy Baki, loudmouth Temari, or better-not-ask Gaara, they were thanking Hayate and Yugao, the ones who hadn't given up, the ones who had cared. If there was to be no payment in money, here was a payment in thanks, and the lion's share was going to—

"Oh, we had help," Yugao said cheerfully. "Those ninjas from Suna did a whole bunch too..."

**************************

1:32 a.m.

Hayate coughed heavily, turned away from the clock, and went back to sleep.

2:27 a.m.

Hayate sat up and coughed up everything he could. At 2:30, he put the clock on its face to lessen its light then rolled over and tried to sleep.

Hayate didn't even want to look. He coughed tiredly for a while then tried once more to sleep.

4:15 a.m.

Hayate pushed the clock back down, groaning between the incessant coughs, then reached back for it to reset his alarm to fifteen minutes later. Not that it would do much good.

6:45 a.m.

Beep, beep, beep, beep,..----

6:55 a.m.

Beep, beep, beep,... Hayate got up.

***************************

"No... this can't be happening... there's almost a full batch of—(cough, cough, cough)—complete newbies, Orochimaru himself shows up, and we still need preliminaries?"

"He he, I guess today's not your lucky day, Hayate. Think you'll be able to stay awake?"

"I'll try. Please tell me that that Gaara kid dropped out."

"Um... not quite."

"Great, just—(yawn)—great. How am I going to stop the match when _he_ starts pulling some poor kid's arm off? That kid is seriously someone even I don't want to mess with."

"Maybe he'll be up against a stronger kid."

"Uh, no. There's only one kid in that bunch that I wouldn't want to mess with, and that's—(cough)—Gaara."

"Then I wish your arms good luck, he he."

"Quit laughing, why don't you."

******************************

"Hayate! Wake up!"

He opened his eyes blearily. "Mm?"

"You were asleep," Yugao said.

"Probably because I've had less than twelve hours sleep—(cough)—over two days," Hayate said, "and I've just spent a whole afternoon watching twelve-year-old genins fight each other like little wolves. There are... _never_........... preliminaries.................."

"Hayate?"

"Mm."

"I've been meaning to ask you... how did you know? That night on the island. How did you know I needed you?"

Hayate thought back to the cold night—the mist ninjas—the boat—the urgency... it was impossible to explain.

"How did Temari know," he said slowly, "that Hoppy...Frog...Chan was a girl?"

Yugao was silent for a moment then reached over and hugged him.

"Hayate," she said softly, "if you can be there when I need you, you don't have to worry about keeping track of—Oh! My frog, it's—" Hayate smiled, dug around in his pocket, and put a cold, metal something into Yugao's hand.

"I forgot before," he mumbled, "here's... uh..."

"Eeee, you found it!! You can call it Mr. Frog," Yugao said, her eyes alight with adoration. "Where was it?"

"I noticed you didn't have it, so I went back looking for it after I brought the boat back," Hayate said with sheepish pride.

"Hayate, I love you!!" Yugao purred, hugging him even more tightly. Hayate gently hugged her back.

"So I don't have to know a thing—(cough)—about your horse, right?" Hayate asked after a moment, indicating her current pin.

"It's a pony," she said automatically. "You can see how the legs are smaller and... no, you don't have to know a thing about it. But if you want, you can remember that, from this day forward, his name will always be 'Hayate.'"

"I think I can remember that," Hayate said, smiling.

A piece of popcorn bounced off his head.

"You don't have to come with me, any of you," Princess Gale said with utmost conviction. "There will be crocodiles." Hayate broke off into a ragged coughing fit that almost lasted a full minute. Three people got up and, slowly and deliberately, left the theater.

The End


	2. Minor Problem

Minor Problem

A story about Hayate as a genin

"...Team 3: Mizuki, Tora, and Hayate. Team 4: ..."

Hayate turned a steely glare to Mizuki. Mizuki grinned and waved back.

"Team 5: ..."

The buzz of conversation grew steadily louder. As each new team was announced, its members felt the need to express exactly how they felt about the arrangement, no matter how far away each kid was sitting. Meanwhile, Hayate was still looking around for his other teammate. Tora... he'd heard the name before, he was sure, but he couldn't quite pair a face to it... he could see Mizuki waving to someone out of the corner of his eye. Had Mizuki located her? Mizuki knew everyone. Yes, there she was, waving back and wearing a weird "why are you waving at me?" expression. Of course. That was Tora. The brown-haired girl who never spoke and fell asleep in class.

Thunk.

Hayate's head dully hit his desk. He had just had a lightning-quick, intangible vision of the next couple years with this team, and in it he got picked on and ignored quite a lot.

The two students on either side of him were apparently on the same team and happy about it—they were hi-fiving and talking in loud, excited voices over his slumped form.

"..., Itachi, and Iruka," the teacher finished. "After lunch, you will meet your new Sensei, and they will give you further instructions. Goodbye, class! I've really enjoyed being your teacher, I think we've all learned a lot, and I wish you the best of luck in—"

Then the bell rang, a wordless command to all of the students to begin talking as loud and fast as possible and to pour out of the classroom. As Hayate left, he could see little hotshot Itachi complaining to the teacher about Iruka.

"The best student is always put on the same team as the worst student," the teacher was saying.

Hayate wasn't necessarily pleased with his new team, but he felt sorrier for Iruka. Itachi was scary. The little punk had risen through the Ninja Academy at alarming speed, coming into Hayate's class halfway through the year and now graduating. Graduating! Crazy... The kid wasn't obnoxious like Iruka or openly mean like Mizuki, but he was quietly disdainful and somewhat sinister—you kind of got the feeling he practiced ninjutsu on squirrels. Iruka was standing a few feet away, completely quiet for once, looking down at Itachi like he'd bite.

"So you're my new teammate will you eat lunch with me?"

It was a voice unused to use. Hayate turned to see Tora's hopeful face.

"Team 3 always eats lunch together," came Mizuki's voice, not far behind. Mizuki was almost as insecure as Iruka, but he had a mean streak and a certain aversion to work that set him in a very different category of prankster... in other words, he was not the kind of person you'd always want to eat lunch with. Hayate was about to invent an excuse to eat somewhere else—anywhere else—but Tora brightened up immediately at Mizuki's remark.

"Great!" she said. "I can get to know you all better then."

Hayate wordlessly followed them outside, waving without much enthusiasm to his friends, all on different teams. He wasn't about to let Mizuki and Tora eat together alone... Tora was now his teammate, whether he liked it or not, and Mizuki was prone to putting spiders in the lunches of the unsuspecting.

"Let's go sit by the fountain," Mizuki said. There was a huge cluster of students by the fountain, all laughing and talking.

"Um, let's not?" Tora said quietly. "We should sit under that tree." The other girls, her friends, had told her that she couldn't eat with them anymore because they all had teams to eat with now. The sight of all of them, minus her, sitting together at the fountain told her that joining them would be a bad idea.

"I wanna sit by the fountain," Mizuki said. "I'm not emo like Hayate."

"I'm not emo," Hayate said.

"Somebody's in denial," Mizuki said smugly.

"Shut up and let's sit by the tree," Tora barked. She wasn't quiet because she was shy, she was quiet because she seldom had anything to say.

"You shut up and we'll sit by the fountain," Mizuki said.

"I'm not sitting by the fountain," Tora said, unphased.

"I'm not sitting under the tree," Mizuki said.

Hayate sat down in the middle of the sidewalk.

"I'm hungry," he said, pulling out his lunch.

The sidewalk was not ideal, but it was not the dreaded fountain. Tora sat down too and looked up at Mizuki expectantly.

"Team 3 always eats lunch together," she said.

"Yeah, well, that was before everyone went emo on me," Mizuki said haughtily. He left for the fountain, leaving Hayate and Tora sitting awkwardly on the sidewalk.

"What a jerk," Tora growled, then began eating her sandwich in busy silence.

Hayate started on his sandwich too. Nobody said anything. Tora was absentmindedly staring at Hayate—he looked down at the sidewalk uncomfortably. A couple ants. What would they do if he dropped a bread crumb among them? The motion of his hand throwing the crumb on the sidewalk caused Tora to look down. When she saw the ants, she froze and got up.

"There's a bug," she said urgently.

"Yeah, there's ants all over the sidewalk," Hayate said.

"Let's sit in the grass," Tora said.

"If you want to," Hayate said, "but there's ants in the grass too; you just can't see them as well."

This had never occurred to Tora.

"Can... can we eat inside? Please?" she asked.

"Um..."

A fly buzzed by her ear and she jumped, closed her eyes, and flailed her arms a little.

"Is it on me?! Will it sting me?!"

"It's just a fly," Hayate said. He was not looking forward to missions at all. Once Mizuki found out about Tora's fear of all things six-legged (and, most likely, eight-legged as well), she would probably never be without 'Oh my, there's an angry bee on your back—it's huge!'

"Let's eat inside," Tora said anxiously.

"O-keeey," Hayate said slowly. He didn't know why she was so intent on him coming with her; it wasn't like they were friends or even spoke to each other. But he had nobody else to sit with at the moment, and she seemed to really want him to come with. When they got to the classroom, they ate the rest of their lunches, once again without speaking. After about twenty minutes, the other students started filing back in.

"Hey, are you two going out?" Iruka asked, laughing.

"No, we're eating lunch inside because there was a bug," Tora said bluntly.

"Mizuki was with us too, but he left," Hayate said tiredly.

"That's adorable," Iruka said, trotting over to the far side of the room to sit down--as far away from where Itachi usually sat as possible.

"Hey, Hayate, you can't just take the chick," Mizuki said as he came inside. "We''ve got to talk this over first!" He had yogurt on the front of his shirt--must have had an especially successful time annoying people at the fountain.

"Shut your face, jerk," Tora growled. Hayate looked at her in surprise. She sounded dangerous.

"Aw, Hayate, you've turned her against me," Mizuki laughed, sitting next to Tora.

"Shut your face or I'll shut it for you," Tora growled.

Mizuki smiled appeasingly and scooted a few inches back. Hayate scooted a few inches over himself, just to be on the safe side. Just then, the teacher and a group of jonins walked in.

"Okay, class," the teacher said, "your new teachers are here! Team 1, Orochimaru Sensei..." only Anko bounded forward—or came forward with any enthusiasm at all, for that matter.

"I'm glad we don't have the creepy freak," Mizuki whispered to Tora as Anko's teammates anxiously joined her. "If the Halloween store ever wanted him back, we'd—"

Orochimaru Sensei was looking straight at Mizuki with amusement. Mizuki gave a little squeak and hid under the desk. For the first time, Hayate heard Tora laugh. Her laugh was as dull and ponderous as her default expression.

"...Team 2..."

"Aaw," they got the stupidest teacher," Mizuki whispered as he resurfaced, more quiet this time. He clearly saw teachers as persons to be outsmarted (when evasion wasn't possible).

"...Team 3, Ukki Sensei."

Which one was—oh. Right there. Ukki waved as the three trotted over expectantly.

"Hi, kids," he said pleasantly. He had about as much charisma as a plant.

********

"Okay, kids, we're going to do a little activity now," said Sensei.

All he got for an answer was three owl-like stares.

"Right. We're going to get in a circle and tell our names, hopes, dreams, likes, and dislikes. That way we can all get to know each other better." Ukki had heard somewhere that, when working with kids, sitting in circles was the way to go.

Team 3 dutifully got in a circle.

"I'm going last," Tora said.

"Hayate's going first," Mizuki said.

"Says you," Hayate said.

"I heard a name," Sensei said. "Hayate, could you start for us?"

"He's called Mizuki," Hayate said, pointing to Mizuki in protest.

"Am not," Mizuki said.

"Well, Hayate, I would like you to start now because, if I don't pick somebody, nobody will start and we'll never learn anything about anybody," Sensei said patiently.

"Fine," Hayate said glumly. "I'm Hayate. Um.... ...... "

"Hopes and dreams?" Sensei prodded encouragingly.

"My... dreams?" Hayate asked.

"Right," Sensei said. "For the future."

"Well.... " Hayate said, somewhat confused, "I guess my dream is then... to be a ninja?"

Mizuki started laughing.

"You ARE a ninja, stupid," he said.

"I know that," Hayate snapped. "I said I wanted to be a ninja because that's all I can seriously see myself doing in the future! What, do I have to want to be the freaking Hokage??"

"Do you have any side goals?" Sensei asked, patiently, patiently.

"Uh... side goals like what?" Hayate asked.

"Like, oh, wanting to make a name for your clan, wanting to invent a new jutsu that will do such and such, wanting to learn a jutsu that's really hard... anything like that?"

"Um... I dunno... all of that stuff sounds like a good idea... why does it matter? That's all silly little personal stupid stuff—might as well ask what my favorite color is... I want to get better at swordfighting...I'm going to try not to, you know, die or anything on a mission... if that's what you mean, that's all I can think of at the moment."

"That's exactly what I mean," Sensei said encouragingly. Praise more than you punish. Praise more than you punish. Build up their confidence. "Now, what are your likes and dislikes?"

"Uh...." After messing up the first question, Hayate's mind was working so hard to come up with non-embarrassing answers that he couldn't think of a single thing to say.

"There's no wrong answer," Sensei said encouragingly.

"There was for the last one," Hayate said sourly.

Sensei didn't quite know how to respond.

"I like Pokemon, and I don't like the Art of Transformation because it's hard," Hayate mumbled, staring at his feet. Someone else's turn.

"I'm going next!" Mizuki shouted.

"Ow, my ears! You're right next to me, you know," Tora said angrily.

"I'm Mizuki!" Mizuki said, ignoring Tora. "I have a lot of hopes and dreams! I want to make a name for my clan, invent a jutsu that can counterfeit money and… become Hokage! I also want to win Tora's heart!"

"You have gone way to far, jerk," Tora growled, standing up and making fists.

"Hey! Cool it, miss!" Sensei said quickly. Kids, he knew, liked cool expressions such as "cool it." "Mizuki, please apologize." If you didn't teach kids early, they'd never learn.

"Sorry," Mizuki said, half joking, half nervous.

"Are not, jerk face," Tora snarled. But she sat down.

"What are your likes and dislikes, Mizuki?" Sensei asked.

"I like myself," Mizuki said, "and I dislike you. And vegetables." He was still using his "Watch me be obnoxious!" voice, but he was looking guardedly at Tora.

"That's interesting," Sensei said. Kids needed praise, even if they said stupid stuff sometimes.

Mizuki scowled. He'd been hoping to get yelled at.

"And you, miss. What about you?" Sensei asked Tora.

"I'm Tora," Tora said.

"And what are your hopes and dreams, Tora?" Sensei asked. He was using his Encouraging Voice.

"I want to be an actress," Tora said. She looked immediately at Mizuki, who had looked immediately away so she wouldn't see him sniggering.

Tora's eyes narrowed. Was Mizuki sniggering?

"Likes?" Sensei asked. "Dislikes?"

"Um..." Tora began. "I like... ponies... trees... candy... friends....... movies... my family... being a ninja... and other stuff too... is that enough?"

"More than enough, perfect," Sensei said.

"Okay… dislikes... I don't like bugs," Tora said.

Hayate cringed. Why did you have to go and do that, Tora??? He braced himself mentally for years of shrill racket over bugs in lunches, bugs in sleeping bags, bugs down the backs of shirts, bugs in hair...

"And I can't STAND spiders," Tora said, more firmly this time.

Mizuki looked at Hayate. Hayate looked at Mizuki.

"Oh boy," said Mizuki's expression.

"Don't you dare," said Hayate's.

"I don't like spiders much either," Sensei said. Had "spiders" been replaced with "what you just said you didn't like," the sentence would have retained full meaning. "Good. So now we know a little more about each other," Sensei said. "Now I'll do the same thing so you know a little more about me! I'm Ukki Sensei, as you know... I've already fulfilled some of my hopes and dreams, but a major one I'd never accomplished until now was having students. You guys are my very first group ever. I really hope you pass tomorrow's test because you're really cool kids."

Shocked faces. Test? Test!? What test?! And over what?? Was it a hard test? .... TEST?!?

"What I like... well, I duno... I like a lot of things. I like to go to the beach... I like playing checkers—I always play as red.... chess is okay, but I don't understand--"

He'd lost his audience at "dunno."

"What test?" Tora whispered to Hayate. She would have asked Ukki, but she'd assumed they'd been told some time before and she hadn't been paying attention; that happened to her a lot.

"I don't know," Hayate said.

"I barely passed our graduation test," Tora whispered, eyes wide with uncertainty and fear. "If it's hard... Hayate, I'm gonna die."

She grabbed his hand, as if he could do anything about it. But he couldn't--they both knew it—she was looking for comfort, sympathy maybe... she was looking, desperately searching, for a friend. They stared at each other for a little while, Hayate's expression almost matching hers in contemplation of his situation. He was beginning to see that most people, as indeed he had always done, tended to ignore or avoid Tora on the basis of her being not especially bright, cheerful,or interested in her surroundings, as well as her appearing perfectly willing to attack anyone who she was really, really mad at. Apparently, by not instantly taking flight at the first sight of her dull, angry stare that was her normal expression, by giving the person behind it a chance instead of the slip, Hayate had suddenly become the most friendly person in her narrow little world.

"Hayate, if we've got to write stuff down, I'm copying off you, okay?" Mizuki said. Said, not asked—it wasn't a question. He hadn't figured out how to copy his peers on other types of tests without a pair of Sharingans, but he was the type of person who'd do it the moment he did.

"I'm... I'm gonna die, Hayate..." Tora whined earnestly.

"Hey," Hayate told Tora, ignoring Mizuki, "why don't you ask Sensei? He knows more about it than me—he's the teacher!" Friendly, encouraging smile. Go on, you can do it—let go of my arm and go over there. Please? The fact that I don't hate you doesn't mean I want to be your best friend.

"...I'm kind of so-so on rain," Ukki Sensei was saying. "It doesn't let you do stuff outside, and it makes it harder to get to inside places, but I sure do like the sound it makes on the roof, plus plants and trees need it to grow—"

"Sensei!"

"Huh? Yes?"

"Sensei," Tora said, "I'm scared I'm going to fail what can I do?"

Sensei looked confused.

"Fail at what, Tora?" he asked.

"Fail at the test," she said, lower lip trembling.

"The test... the test.... the test tomorrow, you mean?" Sensei asked, puzzled.

"Yes," Tora said. "Is it... is it hard?"

"Who told you about the test?" Sensei asked.

"You did," Tora said. The rest of her had started to tremble too. "You said we were your first students and you didn't want us to fail. I think I will fail. I don't want to fail if I fail I'll spend the rest of my life working at my Aunt's grocery store what can I DO, SENSEI???"

"Practice stacking cabbage," Mizuki whispered to Hayate.

Hayate gave him a bored, ha—ha—ha—ha— look. But he noticed that Mizuki hadn't shouted it out loud as he usually did. Tora was slowly succeeding where the teachers had failed at teaching him respect.

"Calm down, Tora," Sensei said. "—Cool it. Just calm down and I'll explain how the test works and what you can do to prepare

Three pairs of eyes regarded the teacher, wide with the most interest they'd ever shown in him up to this point.

"The test," Sensei said, "is going to be a survival exercise..."

Utmost concentration.

"Oh dear, I forgot," he continued. "I'm not allowed to tell you what we'll be doing exactly—a ninja must be prepared to face the unexpected. The—"

Tora let out a wail.

"Prepared to face the unexpected, huh?" Mizuki asked angrily. "Isn't it against our whole code of honor for any ninja to withhold useful, valuable information about an upcoming mission from another ninja from the same village?"

"Hey, Mizuki's right," Hayate said, frowning. Where had that come from? How come the twerp was being helpful for once? ...More likely, he was probably just in it for the teacher-baiting aspect, but still... it seemed that Mizuki had an observant and clever mind behind his outer obnoxious facade. Useful to know.

"What?" Sensei asked, startled. "No, this is different. It's a test."

Mizuki stood up.

"I graduated the Ninja Academy," he said. The excitement of an argument with a teacher blazed fiercely in his eyes. "I'm a genin now—a full-fledged ninja! I skimmed our Civil Code once, and I've got more rights now!"

"Mizuki, I assure you that what I am doing is perfectly legal," Sensei said. "And what do you mean by "skimmed"? Didn't your class do a whole chapter on the Civil Code back at the Ninja Academy? Didn't you have to take a test on it?"

Mizuki beamed.

"Skimmed," he said proudly, "means copying off Itachi's test."

There was an uncomfortable silence.

"I'm gonna die," Tora said, still quite preoccupied with terrorizing visions of cabbage-stacking.

"Tora, you're not going to die," Sensei said sympathetically. "The test will be hard, but it's no big deal if you don't pass it—you'll be sent back to the Ninja Academy until you're good enough. Most kids don't pass the first time. It'll be okay, I promise."

"How are my parents supposed to afford what could be a couple more years of school?" Tora asked hysterically. Her perception of her own skill was brutally accurate.

"You're not going to fail, Tora," Mizuki said. "Sensei's not a dishonorable jerk; he'll fill us in on the important stuff so we can prepare!"

"Tora, you need to calm down," Sensei said gently, ignoring Mizuki and squatting down to Tora's level. "I'm going to pass out papers with the time and place. There's nothing to study for or prepare for. Just show up tomorrow, give it a whack, and do your best. If you all try your hardest, I'm sure you can... well, you'll either pass or figure out what kind of thing to expect next time. Here, everyone take a sheet."

Everyone took one.

"Now, have a nice afternoon.... read the sheet, and don't eat Breakfast tomorrow--it's part of the exercise."

Ukki got up to leave.

"Wait—you're leaving? It's over? That's it?!" Mizuki asked incredulously. "All you did was make us introduce ourselves then tell us about an impossible test that we're probably going to fail next morning! What was the point of dividing us into special, seemingly long-term groups with different teachers if a lot of us aren't going to stay a team?? This is a waste of all of our time, not to mention all of the effort on the part of the higher-ups spent pairing all the students and teachers!"

"Well," Sensei said, shrugging, "the test needs to be taken by groups of three, not twenty-seven, and there's only one teacher for your class at the Ninja Academy."

"Then why did they split us up into teams with names and tell us that they would be long-term arrangements?" Mizuki asked icily.

"I don't know," Sensei said. "It's a good question. But I have to go now--haircut in fifteen minutes. Bye, and good luck!"

"Eh, good luck to your barber," Mizuki said halfheartedly. This teacher was no good—he didn't respond to anything the way he should. Sure enough, he just smiled and waved before walking out the door. After he'd left, Tora stood there like a frightened deer, blinked a few times, then trotted out the door in search of a bathroom to cry in.

Mizuki and Hayate looked at each other warily. In any group of people, you've got to have a leader. Tora was completely out of the question, and Sensei obviously lived on a completely different (and perhaps smaller) plane. The two boys were not consciously aware of why they were sizing each other up, they just knew that they had to.

"Tora's toast," Mizuki said, almost casually. "Do you think she'll slow us down too much?"

"Probably," Hayate said. "My parents were both on teams of three after the Ninja Academy—I'm guessing we either all pass or all fail."

"That sucks," Mizuki said, frowning and looking sideways at the surrounding area.

"We've got to make sure Tora passes," Hayate said dutifully, glumly.

"Yeah," Mizuki said, "if she doesn't bite our heads off first."

"How do you know she's serious when she threatens you, and, if she hates teasing that much, how come she's never actually done anything back?" Hayate asked.

Mizuki shrugged. "She's like a rattlesnake," he said. "Always gives you a chance before she slugs you—doesn't want to attack until she's sure you're stupid enough to deserve it."

"But how do you know?" Hayate asked. He was curious now.

Mizuki shrugged again. "I've been ticking people off since I can remember," he mused. "You kind of learn to read how far you can push someone before it's not funny anymore. Tora just won't play. Sensei won't play either, but he doesn't take it so personally."

"And me?" Hayate asked.

"You? Why, you're a peabrain emo!" Mizuki crowed. "Hahaha, gotcha!"

"Very funny," Hayate growled.

"Like your mom," Mizuki beamed.

Hayate said nothing. Wonderful. Not only was he the only one Tora wanted to be friends with, he was also the only one who had a good enough balance between annoyance and tolerance for Mizuki to successfully annoy. And, on top of that, the little twerp had set him up—telling him there was a selection process, then letting him find out that he was on the list of targets! And all of this must have been improvised on the spot, too... how did he get so GOOD at annoying people?!?

Mizuki: 1 Hayate: 0

'Like your mom,' Mizuki had said...

"You like my mom? That's disgusting," Hayate said, punching Mizuki in the face. The decision to attack had been made in less than a second, but the instinctive reasoning was sound: I can handle a little name calling and a "your mom" joke, but, if you think that that gives you permission to make fun of me, it most certainly doesn't.

The ensuing fight was not brutal but nonetheless intense. Any hint of weakness now on either side would immediately hand dominance to the other, and neither had a set of instincts that would stand for that.

"Your mom's disgusting!"

"Sicko! How do you know *rgh* so much about my mom?!"

"Your mom's a sicko!"

"Sicko!"

...

They weren't experienced enough to know proper ninja fighting banter yet, but everything needs time and practice.

Mizuki was slightly shorter than Hayate and slightly stronger as well—Hayate was beginning to see the direction in which the scales would most likely tip unless he could think of a way to yank down the end that said "Hayate"... There would be no honor or logic in using his sword, so perhaps he could try one of the complicated (to him at the time, that is) jutsus he'd learned at the academy... but that would take up a little time and a lot of concentration, plus neither he nor Mizuki had ever taken a step past being able to do the jutsu and actually used one in a fight, which was why neither of them had used one yet... a plan. It was fashioned out of scraps of ponder by his subconscious, and it rapidly filled his mind--he knew what to do.

Hayate jumped back.

Boof! A log!

Mizuki stopped immediately and looked around. The Art of Substitution. Nervy little freak, using a complicated jutsu like that. Where had Hayate transported himself to? The whole purpose of the jutsu was to substitute something... Hayate would be where that log had been. Where did one find logs? The nearby tree... had Hayate appeared under it and climbed up?

Mizuki started over to the tree.

But Hayate hadn't used the Art of Substitution.

Mizuki gave a surprised little yelp as Hayate's foot came from behind and connected with his head. The force of it was enough to knock him over, so he went into a roll and sprang to his feet, ready but shaken. Hayate was just standing there, pleased and ready, waiting for his opponent to make the next move.

"Where'd you find a log over—" Mizuki began.

"Art of Transformation, genius," Hayate said. "I turned into a log and waited for you to go look for me. Earlier, I'd said I found Transformation difficult, so I figured you'd filed that away; plus, everyone associates logs with Substitution, so it was easier still to throw you off."

Mizuki: 1 Hayate: 1

Mizuki's expression didn't change from surprised and angry, but it did intensify.

"You sneak!"

"Yeah, and?"

"Your mom's a—oh, forget it you little nasty, I'm gonna—"

Footsteps.

Teachers.

************************

"Hayate? Is there something wr— Oh! Oh my, you didn't get in a fight, did you?"

"What do you think, Mom?"

"Who won?"

"The teachers stopped us."

"I hope you weren't picking on that Itachi kid. I've told you how dangerous that boy is..."

"No, Mom. It was Mizuki."

"Get on your nerves one time too many?"

"Thought he had a right to."

"Teach him a lesson, then?"

"I guess so."

"Well, why don't you go put some ice on your face and lie down for half an hour? And, after that, could you please set the table for dinner?"

"Sure, Mom."

"Oh, I just remembered, your class was separated into new teams today, wasn't it! Do you like your new team? Who's on it?"

"I'll talk about it at dinner so I don't have to tell Dad separate later."

"Mom?"

"Yes?"

"There's not that much ice left."

"Well, take what's there."

"Okay."

*************************

"Hee hee, you look like a panda!"

Tora was so nervous this morning that her emotions were swinging around like wind chimes. At the moment, she was grinning, an expression that looked somewhat strange on her face.

"Uh... thanks," Hayate said.

"I pandifyed him," Mizuki said proudly.

"I gave him those bruises and made him look like a moron," Hayate said. "Is Sensei here yet?" Change the subject, please. Hayate had been well aware of how horrible the black eyes had turned out that morning since he'd first seen them in the bathroom mirror that morning, and he was trying not to think about it.

"I'm right here," came Sensei's blunt and mildly pleasant voice from the woods. He walked out of the trees. "We still have a few minutes until the official start time, but, since everyone's here, we could start now if you'd—"

"No, let's wait," Tora said firmly. Forget getting unpleasant things over with—if she could have three more minutes of status-quo, she was grabbing them.

"Hayate, did you and Mizuki get into a fight?" Sensei asked.

Hayate shrugged. No sense admitting it until he found out whether or not Mizuki had.

"Sure did, he started it," Mizuki said in one breath.

"He started the chain of events that led to it," Hayate said scornfully.

Sensei sighed.

"Kids," he said, "you're a team now. Team members don't beat each other up, they support each other. How do you expect missions to go well if you're too busy fighting each other to contribute to them? Our village needs ninjas who are willing to put aside personal differences and work together for the safety and ideals of its people, understand?"

Nod, nod.

"And can I feel comfortable teaching you advanced techniques if there's a chance that you'll use them to kill each other later?"

Nod, nod—wait; confused looks; shake, shake.

"Did you two resolve your differences? Friends again?"

"Uh-huh."

"Mm-hmm"

"Good. I know you didn't choose your teammates, but, now that you have them, please try to get along and WORK TOGETHER. Now, I think it's time to start the exercise."

Sensei turned around to rummage in his backpack. Hayate and Mizuki looked at each other.

"Panda," Mizuki mouthed.

Hayate stuck his tongue out.

Tora walked over to Hayate and grabbed his hand.

"I'm scared," she said.

Mizuki sauntered over to Tora, grabbed her other hand, and slung it over his shoulders.

"Don't be scared," he said, "I pandified Hayate 'cause he deserved it. I would never pandify you!"

"No," Tora said, "I'm scared about the test."

It was like she was a different person.

"Okay, kids," Sensei said, turning around, "here's how— Oh! You're getting along! Wow, super! Keep up the good work, I'm proud of you!"

He put the timer on one of the three stumps.

"This timer will go off at noon," he said. "Each of you has until then" –rustle, hand digging in pocket, jingle, jingle— "to get one of these two bells from me. If you get a bell, you stay part of team 3 and we'll do another activity after lunch. If you don't get a bell, you'll end up tied to one of these stumps—sorry, it's the rules—and you get more time at school to work on the stuff you're not so good at."

Tora screamed.

Hayate tried to pull away from her grasp. Mizuki let go of her hand and darted a few feet away. Sensei looked startled.

Tora started crying. She hadn't intended to cry, not in front of the teacher and the two boys, but she couldn't help it.

"I can't get a bell from you," she wailed. "You're a jonin. I couldn't get a bell from *sniff* _Hayate_ if he didn't want me to have it." (Why did she say _Hayate_ instead of _Mizuki_? Hayate saw that Mizuki was wondering the same thing, only he was happy about it.) "There's just *sniff* no possible way I'm even going to touch one of those *sniff* bells on my own or ever amount to *sob* to anything."

Tora sat down. Hayate pulled his hand free and stepped back uncomfortably. Sensei knelt down and tried to comfort Tora.

"Heeeyy," he said, "it's okay. There's three of you—maybe one of your teammates could help you..."

Hayate walked around to Mizuki. Time for a secret conference. Mizuki lit up.

"Hey," he whispered, "I've brought something that will make this test a piece of cake!"

"What?" Hayate asked, interested. Did Mizuki have something usefu—

"This!" Mizuki said, proudly turning around and showing Hayate a giant throwing star strapped to his back. "I found it on sale in that one store that specializes in nun chucks! I dunno about you, but I am SO ready for this test!"

"Um... how's that going to help us?" Hayate asked politely, his previous small hopes quietly drifting to the ground and dying.

"Hayate, it's huge," Mizuki said. "With this sucker on our side, we can't possibly lose!"

Awkward silence.

"You weren't listening to Sensei explain the rules, were you?"

"Of course I was," Mizuki said angrily, his face turning from amused to dead serious in a heartbeat. "You're no fun, Hayate."

Hayate sighed. "Okay, I'm no fun," he said sullenly. "Now, we need to think of a plan to beat this test."

Mizuki shrugged. "If you start doing something," he said, "I'll do my best to copy you."

"I'm already doing something, I'm thinking," Hayate said. "You can start copying me anytime."

"Sheesh... you really ARE no fun," Mizuki growled. "Okay, then... I hate to break it to Tora, but it looks like the only solution here is for the strongest two, meaning you and me, to team up and take the bells."

"Yes, that's the only apparent solution at the moment," Hayate said, "but I'm pretty sure we're not supposed to do that. Remember how when Sensei told us he couldn't say what was on the test he said that a ninja must face unexpected stuff sometimes? Everything the teachers do has a "hidden ninja message" to it. If two of us were supposed to team up and take the two bells, then the "hidden ninja message" would be to always look out for yourself."

"I didn't say that's what we should do, I said it was the only thing that came to mind," Mizuki said testily. "And sometimes ninjas have to survey situations and make hard decisions to get the best possible outcome. If you don't get a bell, you go back to the school. There's only two bells. The surest way to make sure two kids move on is to have the strongest two work together."

"Yes," Hayate said slowly, thinking it over, "but the trouble with that is where the motivation lies. We learned at the Academy that a good ninja fights for his or her village while a bad ninja fights for him- or herself. It's theoretically possible for all three of us to work together to maximize the chance that the two bells will be captured and then for the weakest to give up the bell for the sake of giving the village the strongest fighters."

"Good plan, then," Mizuki said. "So are you going to tell Tora or should I?"

"I never said," Hayate growled, "that that was what we're going to do. I can't tell Tora that she can't continue her career as a ninja because her two teammates happened to be stronger than her. Forget the village. It's just a symbol for our fellow Konohans, and Tora is a fellow Konohan who needs our help."

"So do you have some kind of plan or magical ability that'll let three people pass a test with two winners?"

"No, not yet," Hayate said, "but if I get one, will you help me with it?"

"Sure," Mizuki said. "We're a team, aren't we? Let's meet here ten minutes after the test has started—Sensei'll think we're hiding in the woods. We'll go from there and figure out what to do next."

"Okay," Hayate said. Cooperation from Mizuki? Seriously? Of course, Mizuki did need Hayate to get a bell... but still, he could have tried to convince Hayate to do things his way for the same reason...

"You'll come?" Mizuki asked, the slightest bit wary.

"Of course," Hayate said.

"Good," Mizuki said. If Hayate was going to go all fancy with his little plans, backing off might make himself appear intimidated. Better to play along and try to one-up the little smartie by contributing—by stealing the show in his own plan, if possible.

"Okay, kids! It's time!" Sensei said loudly. Then, more quietly, "Tora, like I said, go over by the boys and see if they can help you. You'll be fine. If you do your best, things will work out okay... and if they don't, you couldn't have done better than your best, hm?"

"I... I guess not..."

"You'll be fine. I believe in you."

"Th-thank you, Sensei."

"You're welcome. OK! GO!"

Hayate and Mizuki darted off into the woods. Tora trotted obediently after Hayate.

*****

"Here he comes now!"

Hayate followed Tora's line of vision to see Mizuki slink towards them out of the woods.

"I didn't know if you'd come," Hayate said. "What took you so long?"

"I wouldn't play a stupid trick on you guys and leave you waiting forever if that's what you mean," Mizuki said crossly. "I was just trying to taunt Sensei a little to get a feel for what we're up against. What I found out is that he doesn't respond very well to taunting--that teacher's more low-key than a shrub."

"Good to know," Hayate said. "Did he follow you?"

"Not a chance," Mizuki said. "He was staring up at the clouds when I left him, but I took a really roundabout way getting back just in case." Mizuki had never been on this training course before, so his roundabout way was actually a beeline gone floppy, but he wasn't about to tell that to Hayate.

"Hayate says you and him are going to help me not fail," Tora told Mizuki doubtfully.

"That's right," Mizuki said cheerfully. "We're going to BEAT this test! ...So, Hayate, did you come up with anything?"

"Well... I thought to break the timer while I was waiting," Hayate said. "We now have, oh, half an hour or maybe an hour more time."

"Okay, cool," Mizuki said. Little smartie. "Tora, do you have any ideas?"

"Um... I don't think so," Tora said nervously. To her, the test was like a brick wall she was somehow supposed to walk through, and her mind had already ruled the whole thing out as impossible.

"Any suggestions? Thoughts?" Hayate coaxed. It wouldn't be nice to Tora if he and Mizuki made her feel worthless and unhelpful.

"No," Tora said.

"Anything at all?" Mizuki asked. If Hayate was going to include her, Mizuki was going to too.

"Well..." Tora said, even more nervous. She did not like to be the center of attention. "I... I don't think it's possible to beat, can you help?"

"What's so impossible about it?" Mizuki asked. Hayate's eyes narrowed. We just went over that, you know very well what's so impossible. If your plan is to wait around until there's so little time that I have to help you with the obvious solution, then so help me...

"Well," Tora said, "Sensei said you guys could help me. But there's only enough bells for two of us. So if you help me and I get a bell, that means one of you doesn't and just did all the work for nothing. So why did Sensei say to go ask you for help? I'm not smart, I can't fight...I'm just not good enough to be a ninja."

"Does anyone have any special abilities or family techniques?" Hayate asked quickly. He didn't trust Mizuki to answer Tora with a good enough lie.

"Family techniques?" Mizuki snorted. "Heck no. Even if my parents knew anything worth snot, they'd be too busy arguing to teach it to me. Oh no. No, they've forgotten to give me breakfast a few times... there's no way they're going to teach me an attack."

Hayate and Tora stared. His tone was completely serious for once. Mizuki looked at the ground.

"Yeah," he said, "my parents fight. I don't think they're going to stay together. It's all my fault."

"It's not your fault," Tora said earnestly. "It might seem like it's your fault, but it's not. Sometimes people who aren't right for each other get married and that's that. It only feels like it's your fault because you think that maybe it wouldn't have happened if you were perfect, but you're wrong."

"No, you're wrong, it is too my fault," Mizuki said. "I'm the one who told Mom about that other lady."

Hayate's mouth twitched. Mizuki, Mizuki... he was impossible to get along with, but you just couldn't hate him.

Silence.

"No," Mizuki said loudly, "I only know the stuff from the Academy, I don't have a kekkei genkai, and my throwing star isn't gonna help us much."

"What's a kekkei genkai?" Tora asked.

"If you don't know what it is, you probably don't have one," Mizuki said.

"It's a special ability that you only have if you're born with it," Hayate said.

"I have no talent," Tora stated.

"What about you, Hayate?" Mizuki asked.

"Well," Hayate said, "I've got a few years of swordfighting experience, but that's just weaponry... nothing that has much of a use outside of an actual battle."

"You can use a sword?" Mizuki asked.

Hayate turned around, displaying the little sword he'd worn nonstop since his eighth birthday.

"Cool, I never noticed that," Mizuki said approvingly.

"I did," Tora said pointlessly.

"Wait a minute," Mizuki said, ignoring her, "how come nobody on this team has any cool special abilities? That creep Itachi could copy stuff, that Hyuga girl could see through stuff, that one boy could talk to animals... I thought the teacher said he and the Hokage himself arranged the teams to get the best possible combinations of students to get us to stop complaining about teammates we didn't like."

"You're right," Hayate said, frowning. "There were enough kids with abilities for at least one on each team... a team like this is like a team of pidgeys and rattatas on Pokemon."

"Hayate, only nerds and little kids play Pokemon," Mizuki said.

"I play Pokemon," Hayate said dangerously. "What's that make me?"

"Never mind," Mizuki said.

"I play Pokemon too," Tora said quietly.

"Since when did we get started talking about Pokemon?" Mizuki asked angrily. "We've got to come up with a solution to an impossible problem. Anybody got any ideas?? I know, we could go into the village, buy a bunch of bells, and then show Sensei and tell him we've won."

"That won't work," Tora said glumly. "The rules say we have to take a bell from Sensei. If we don't take it from Sensei, it doesn't count."

"We could give them to him first," Mizuki said for the sake of an argument.

"But then we'd still have to figure out how to get them back," Tora said miserably."

Give Sensei a bell so you could take it...

"Oh. I think I know what we could do," Hayate said excitedly. Mizuki and Tora were all ears.

*************************

When the three had formed the last part of the conversation into a plausible plan, they trotted off eagerly in search of Sensei. They found him standing in the middle of a clearing waiting to be attacked and peering confusedly into the woods. Time to move in.

"Hi, Mizuki," Sensei said as Mizuki walked out of the woods with a big rock. "What are you going to do with that?"

Miuki walked around the teacher in a wide arc, struggling to carry his burden.

"Dontcha wish you knew," he said cryptically. The presence of the word "dontcha" rather ruined the effect.

Sensei smiled slightly.

"Are you going to prove that they move faster than me?" he asked.

Mizuki almost dropped the rock.

"You were paying attention!" he said.

"I always pay attention," Sensei said, slightly hurt.

"You... you made a joke!"

"I did!" Sensei said happily. "I usually can't think of jokes, but this time I did!" Mizuki told jokes a lot. Jokes, it seemed, were a good way to connect with this student. It would be a good idea to tell or at least show interest in jokes.

"Well," Mizuki said, holding up the rock, "there's not much to prove—I mean, look at it go!"

Confident that a way had been found to be Mizuki's friend, Sensei laughed. Mizuki gave him a strange look. This teacher was getting more and more impossible. Time to cut the chatter, get this over with, and go home an aspiring ninja. He stalked around Sensei until the teacher was between him and the woods, getting as close as he dared. The designated spot. Mizuki could feel the rush of an evil plan. His eyes gleamed with pleasure. Sensei was looking at him curiously. Possibly suspiciously. Time to give the signal.

"I'll bet this rock is smarter than you too," he said conversationally, setting it down. Come on, Tora! Your part is very, very simple! Don't mess it up!

"Well," Sensei said, "I wouldn't think so. It doesn't have a brain." He wished he had a joke...

"Exactly my point," Mizuki said automatically. He would find it hard if he had to STOP telling jokes.

"Sen—sei!"

Tora. There she was, coming out of the woods. Come on...

"Sen—sei!" Tora said again, expectantly, "What do we do when we have a bell?" She was holding out a little silver bell uncertainly. The acting was good. Mizuki was impressed.

"Wh-WHAT?" Sensei asked, a look of complete and utter confusion appearing on his face. He looked down at the two bells on his belt, fingering them to confirm that he had both. A full couple seconds of complete preoccupation—all Mizuki needed. The genin slammed into him at full force, knocking him over and transferring the complete preoccupation to the fight. More than a couple seconds—more than Hayate needed. The second genin pounced on the struggling mass on the ground, seemingly coming out of nowhere. But he had come from somewhere—in fact, he'd been there all along, Sensei just hadn't know it. But that was understandable—it would have been hard for anyone to tell Tora's "bell" apart from a student using the Art of Transformation.

"Now!" Hayate said, pulling Sensei's headband down over his eyes.

Mizuki ran for the rock, grabbed it, and ran back. The two heaved it on top of Sensei then sat on his arms before he could get it off. Sensei couldn't see or use handsigns, so he couldn't use any jutsus, and he couldn't get up because of the rock and the students. In other words, he was completely immobilized—success!

"Alright, Teach," Mizuki crowed, "you listening?"

"Wha—kids, let me up, I—"

"Good. You know how Hayate and me are on your arms, right?"

"Let me—"

"Right?"

"Yes, I guess so, but—"

"Ok, Tora, all clear! So, Sensei, you feel Tora taking a bell now, right? And you agree that it is, in fact, Tora and couldn't possibly be me or Hayate?"

"Sensei," came Tora's voice, "you were right! I'm getting a bell, I won't fail! I won't fail, Sensei, I did it!"

"Yes, it's Tora," Sensei said helplessly. "Now—"

"Full points for Tora?" Hayate asked. "She passes?"

"Right," said Sensei, "but, if you don't mind—"

"Tora," Hayate said, "Tie it back on."

"Why's she doing that?" Sensei asked.

"It's part of our plan," Mizuki said. "Now, when Tora finishes, you will have the bell back, right?"

"Of course," Sensei said dully. These kids weren't letting him up.

Tora finished the knot then jerked lightly on both bells, making them jingle.

"Do you agree that, once again, you have two bells?" Mizuki asked.

"Yes," Sensei said.

"Okay, cool," Mizuki said happily. He and Hayate jumped off of Sensei's arms and tore the bells from his belt before he could pull his headband up. They and Tora were jumping around, laughing, and hi-fiving each other, the bells jingling merrily, as Sensei heaved the rock off of himself and got up.

"That...worked...perfectly!" Mizuki shouted.

"I can't believe we did it," Hayate laughed.

"I'm alive," Tora said dreamily.

"Heh heh, looks like your dream of becoming a ninja's gonna work out for you, Hayate!" Mizuki chortled.

"Heh heh, looks like you're never gonna learn when to shut your face," Hayate laughed back.

"I'm a real ninja now," Tora said happily. "With a team and everything. I'm so... I'm so happy."

Sensei wasn't saying anything. He was leafing through a stapled packet, frowning.

"Sensei? We passed, right?" Mizuki asked, deep suspicion of betrayal apparent in his voice. He had never trusted teachers to do what they promised since the incident with the the small fire and the canceled school trip. He hadn't even started the fire... but no sense stewing over that one again.

"Hm?" Sensei asked. "Oh, I think you passed... but I'm not sure. My papers only have instructions on how to interpret you losing... it doesn't say anything about what to do if you win."

Mizuki grabbed the paper and speed-read through a few sections.

"Hey, students aren't allowed to see—"

"Here," Mizuki said, handing the paper back. "Look at this passage here: 'If none of the above requirements are met due to extreme circumstances--dangerous weather, sudden illness, enemy attack, etc.—yet the students have exhibited exemplary skill, teamwork, intelligence, etc., it is permitted for a passing grade to be given so long as a valid explanation of said circumstances is also present.' That little word 'etc.' can take you far, Sensei. How many students have ever passed this test in the history of Konoha?"

"I'm not allowed to disclose that, but not many," Sensei said, snatching the paper in the friendliest manner possible, hoping that the student hadn't seen too much.

"So passing is an extreme circumstance," Mizuki said. "And we exhibited skill—good acting, the Art of Transformation; teamwork--working together; and intelligence—that whole plan.

We're covered. Just write the higher-ups a nice long note with every possible argument in your favor and without a hint of possibility that you'll take no for an answer and we'll be on our first mission by Friday. Let me know if you need help," he finished, a doubtful expression crossing his face as he imagined Sensei trying to be authoritative.

Hayate, Tora, and Sensei stared at Mizuki. No matter how many times he might have failed to do a shadow doppelganger correctly, he definitely had talent...

"So we passed?" Tora asked.

"I believe so," Sensei said, looking relieved despite his worry at Mizuki having seen the papers. "I'm really proud of you kids," he said warmly. "I couldn't have done better myself! Heh, heh, I didn't do better myself actually! Heh, heh, great job! After what I've seen today, I have no doubt that you will all become fine shinobi!"

"Really?" Tora asked, eyes wide.

"Really," Sensei said.

Tora waddled over and hugged him. "Sensei," she said, "you are a good person."

"I'm hungry," Mizuki said. "Tora, there are only two lunches. Wanna help me beat up Hayate so we both get enough chow?"

"You'd loose and you know it," Hayate said calmly. They studied each other. Something had changed. Hayate's reaction was not flustered or irritated like last time... because of the calmness, it wasn't technically banter, and it wasn't a warning either. What it was was a statement of authority, a subconscious reference to a new pecking order. Hayate had guided them up to this point through a lot of patience and mental energy, and without much cooperation in the interests of the team as an entity rather than in the interest of self-preservation. That's the general idea behind leadership. Leadership is what distinguishes a leader.

"Yeah, Mizuki, cut it out," Tora said mildly. She'd already subconsciously accepted this. Now that Hayate was in charge, Tora didn't have to be as defensive and anxious toward Mizuki anymore. She had backup.

"Fine, I've got a better idea," Mizuki said in a low voice. "I'll just eat this lunch here while you guys come up with a better idea." He picked up the box and opened it. His instincts knew full well what was going on. Hayate might be able to boss Tora around... he might even be able to boss Team 3 around... but nobody bossed Mizuki around. If Mizuki cooperated, it was because he wanted to. Most probably he would want to most of the time—it would be better than the babysitting, unnecessary work and bother, that was Hayate's lot—but if he ever didn't want to there was no way he would.

As it turned out, the lunches weren't really necessary; their being mentioned was just supposed to have added motivation to the test. Now that the test was over, there weren't any other activities, and Sensei had promised to buy them lunch to celebrate. The four shinobi walked back to the village. There was no sunset, and they were going in the wrong direction had there been one anyway, but it was definitely there in the figurative sense. Team 3 was official. It had overcome the first hurdle and was ready to take on more.

*******

The Third Lord Hokage was buried in a pile of papers at his desk. It hadn't been extremely long since the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox had attacked, and, while it had been enough time for the villagers to, more or less, resume normal life, the Hokage still had a lot to sort out, still had to make the final adjustments between Yondaime's reign and his, and that on top of all of the duties a Hokage already had.

Someone knocked on the door.

"Come in."

It was the Ninja Academy Instructor with--yes, more papers. Wonderful.

"Lord Hokage," the teacher said, bowing, "There's a... uh, a minor problem with the new teams of recently-graduated students. Do you have a little time...? If you're busy, I can--"

"I have time," the Hokage said. He needed a break from the potato import statistics (ninjas don't tend to be effectual farmers), plus a Hokage should always have time for his subjects. He hoped he could get back to the potatoes sometime soon, however; the last few "minor problems" he'd had to to attend to had required many hours of work over periods of weeks.

"Oh, good, thank you, your Excellence," the teacher said. "I hope this won't take long."

"What's the problem?" The Hokage asked. "Did anyone get seriously hurt during the bell exercises?" Images of little Itachi's teacher lying in the dirt in a pool of blood came to mind.

"No, " the teacher said, frowning. "Nothing like that. It's just that..." he sighed. A confused, resigned expression crossed his face. "We've got four passing teams."

The Hokage stared at him.

"What?" her asked.

"Four passing teams," the teacher said nervously.

"Four... but that's impossible. You're joking," the Hokage said.

"Dead serious," the teacher gulped.

"Team 1, Team 8, and Team 9..." the Hokage began.

"Yes, of course they all passed," the teacher said. "No problems there."

"So...the extra team...?"

"Team 3," the teacher said miserably, handing the Hokage a sheet of papers--the file on Team 3.

The Hokage looked over the students' profiles thoroughly. Could he have made a mistake...? But no, the descriptions were all as they should be. There was a boy with a mean streak that could potentially turn into something dangerous, there was a boy with no kekkei genkai or special family technique other than swordfighting, and there was a dull girl with no talent. The teacher—did the problem lie with the teacher, had he been to easy on them? No. True, he was a little slow, the kind of teacher who couldn't be allowed students but had to be given a "chance" at getting students until he got tired of trying and gave up... but he was trustworthy and honorable to the core—not somebody who would ignore the rules.

"Team 3," the Hokage repeated thoughtfully. "How??" It was unusual... impossible, maybe. The Hokage had spent many hours with the Academy teacher putting the teams together. Hours. Matching up prowess, temperaments, personalities, kekkei genkais, family techniques...everything. They had created three perfect teams. They had brought together the eight most noteworthy students, the cream of the genin crop, and the one worst student, only there so the very best student wouldn't have it too easy, would have enough difficulties to successfully grow and become the best ninja he or she could be. Three teams of Konoha's absolute best had been produced from the 27-student class—three teams that would definitely be able to pass the bell test. How in the world had a reject team made it? They were supposed to stay in that school and grow up to be border guards, footsoldiers, etc. if they never got good enough to be put on a team later! The system was somewhat mean, but a ninja village needed to only allow the best to succeed; this method was a lot better than the Mist village's yearly bloodbath, plus Konoha got more border guards and footsoldiers out of it.

"How did this happen?" the Hokage asked again. It had been years since he'd had to sort the students... was he losing hist touch?

"I don't know, my lord," the teacher said helplessly. "I have is the teacher's report here, which I'm not supposed to read..."

The Hokage took it and studied it intensely. It read:

Pass (X) Fail ( )

Team 3 did not fail admirably, they won admirably. According to the rules, students can pass without failing well if extreme circumstances are present, and I think winning is also extreme. Their strategy was to pin me to the ground and have someone take a bell and put it back so the other two could also take the bells. That shows intelligence and teamwork and also skill, so the requirements are met. I am very pleased with them and think that they will all be very good shinobi.

Ukki Sensei

The Hokage blinked and read it again. He didn't know what he'd been expecting, but this surely wasn't it. A well-executed strategy that spit in the face of impossible. How in the world had a reject team come up with something like that??? Now he was curious instead of flustered.

"Should I find some way to disqualify the extra team...?" the teacher asked.

"NO! I mean, no, I think that they're better than we thought--by all means we need to keep this team," the Hokage said. So many of his ninjas got by on kekkei genkais... so many of his ninjas were useless after the first one or two chakara-guzzling attacks... no, this was a good thing. A very good thing. Now, how had this plan come about? Where did the brains behind it lie? Brains were not something you often found on a reject team... He looked at the profiles again. Certainly not Tora. One look at her picture, that lifeless, brooding glare and indifferent posture, was almost enough to convince him, and reading the profile was more than enough. Was it Hayate? Though his expression in his picture was also somewhat brooding, there was more life in it than Tora's. And his profile showed him to be intelligent and good enough with his schoolwork... and it was entirely possible that the Academy didn't tease students' full ability out of them. That was, in fact, a secondary reason why all of the worst students were chosen: often as not they were unmotivated simply because they found school boring and unimportant. Mizuki? Hm... there was a tricky one. His picture showed a lively, proud, almost dangerous grin. His profile revealed him to be very sharp yet not very trustworthy or agreeable and impossibly uncooperative at times. Perhaps smart enough to come up with a plan like that... but the Hokage couldn't see someone like him focusing very hard on a solution for the whole group if he thought that there was an easier way that would involve him winning anyway. So if Tora wasn't smart and Mizuki wasn't a team player, wouldn't that just leave Hayate... ?

Well, the one bell test wasn't enough data for a conclusive answer, but the main point was that there was something special about the team. Who was contributing it would definitely be known later. The team would take the Chunin Exam later. Then everything would be clear. The bell test was one thing, but the Chunin Exam...

You had to be a Chunin to pass it.

*******

Four new teams and their teachers went to the ice cream parlor that afternoon. The air was thick with conversation as Iruka, Mizuki, Tora, and the nine most talented genins of their year (your average ninja is above average) celebrated their success. The teams were all sitting relatively close to one another—Team 3 was between Team 9 and the wall.

"Hey, which team are you guys again?"

Hayate looked up to see the Hyuga girl's pleasant, expectant birdlike stare.

"Uh, we're Team 3," he said.

"The best team ever," Mizuki added happily. "Whoa—what does Iruka have there???"

"It's a banana split!" Iruka said. "I'm gonna be so sick after I finish this it's not even funny!"

"It's a prize for not messing us up," Itachi said wanly, pushing his spoon listlessly around his small bowl of ice cream.

"No," Iruka said, "I asked Sensei if he'd buy me anything I wanted, he said he would, I asked him if I could no kidding, seriously have ANYTHING, and he said to 'knock myself out, kid.' You could have gotten one too, Itachi!"

"Food that tastes good is a pitiful and fleeting escape from the pain that is life," Itachi said darkly."

"Oh. I thought it was the other way around," Iruka said cheerfully, guardedly. He was feeling better about his new team—so far, Itachi hadn't bitten him yet, plus he was soo GOOD at everything.

"Does anyone want the banana?"

"Bananas are good for you," the Hyuga girl said.

"Doesn't taste good," Iruka said stubbornly.

"I like bananas. May I have it?" Tora asked.

"Please! Take it!"

"So... what are your abilities?" the Hyuga girl asked.

"Sorry?" Hayate asked, confused.

"Your abilities," she said. "Kekkei genkai—you know, see through stuff, copy stuff—what can you guys do?"

"Well, I'm...pretty good with my sword," Hayate said humbly.

"I can imitate a DVD player," Mizuki said proudly.

"I can inhale and exhale," Tora said bitterly.

The girl frowned slightly. "Oh... well, you passed the test anyway; so that's good! He he, glad that's over already! I thought we weren't going to pass at first because I gave my bell to Iruka, but the teacher said it was okay because we looked out for each other. How did you guys pass?"

"I... I honestly don't know," Hayate said. "I didn't know where to start because of how it seemed impossible for the whole team to pass, but then we found a loophole in the rules, and--"

"Mizuki, you stink head, I am going to kill you."

All eyes turned to Tora. As she had been leaning across the table to take Iruka's banana, Mizuki had pushed her supporting arm forward, causing her to fall face first into her ice cream.

Now, as she raised a dripping face out of the bowl, she was surprisingly calm and, more surprisingly, deadly.

"Hey, that could have been an accident," Mizuki said nervously, edging away. This time he'd gone too far and he knew it. He closed his eyes.

Nothing happened.

He opened them.

"Why are you so mean all the time?" Tora asked. She looked like she was about to cry. "You always make fun of people and push them around and take their stuff. Nobody ever did anything to you. Why??? I just don't get you. There's something wrong with you. I... I don't want you on my team." Not wanting someone on her team appeared to be the worst degradation possible in Tora's mind because she buried her head in her arms and started crying. Mizuki gaped, wide-eyed. Where was the attack? Where were the furious little blows? Tora wasn't like a rattlesnake at all... she was like a milk snake, disguising herself as dangerous so her predators wouldn't get too close. And now she didn't know what to do now that one had done so anyway. But the predator was almost as confused and upset. He didn't play with the rattlesnakes to hurt them, he did so because he got a thrill out of knowing they could hurt him. Now, for the first time ever, his quarry was entirely at his mercy... and he didn't like it one bit. Mizuki was the kind of person who wouldn't have any problem with kicking a dog but wouldn't kick a puppy if paid.

"Tora... I... uh... look... " Mizuki began.

Hayate watched nervously. So did, he suddenly noticed, the whole ice cream parlor.

"I don't like you," Tora cried. "I want to go home."

There was a younger, violet-haired girl wearing a pink shirt with a kitten on it two tables over, sitting with her parents, and she was staring, fascinated, at the unfolding drama. When she noticed Hayate staring uncomfortably in her general direction, she stared at him too, as if to ask him what the story was behind this emotion-wrenching scene. Hayate noticed immediately and shrugged, embarrassed to be the center of attention. The girl hadn't been expecting any answer, and she giggled. Hayate frowned. He hadn't meant it to be funny.

"Tora, I don't not like you," Mizuki was saying, frazzled. "You're... very nice, I'm happy you're on my team, I don't be mean to you because I hate you, please... um, can you calm down a little? It's okay..."

"You're... you're just saying that because... because you feel bad... being mean when I'm... when I'm crying," Tora sobbed. "You just... you just want me to... you just want me to stop so... so you can be mean again... and ... and steal my banana."

These words had a profound effect on Mizuki. That was one step meaner than he really was. He leaned forward.

"Tora," he said earnestly. "I don't want to be mean to you again. Would you believe that I can change if" –he pulled something white-yellow out from under the table— "I give your banana back?"

Tora stopped crying and stared. "My... you already... wait, you're giving it back?"

Mizuki put the banana into her hands. "Yes," he said. "It's yours, and I apologize for stealing it. I also apologize for pushing your face into your ice cream. You don't have to like me if you don't want to, but I'd be really happy if you chose to."

"Oh," Tora said. "Well...ok I guess... just you have to stop being mean to me, clear?" She seemed doubtful yet willing to forgive.

"Ok, deal," Mizuki said.

"You're sure?" Tora asked. "I can trust you now?"

"Yes," Mizuki said.

"Ok..." Tora said, brightening a little. "Thank you!"

Most of the other people at the ice cream parlor had lost interest the minute the problem had started to resolve itself, but the violet-haired girl gazed on, fascinated, soaking up every detail of the conclusion. Hayate was still looking at her. The incident with Mizuki and Tora didn't hold his interest because he'd been dealing with those two clowns all day. Why was she so fascinated with it? The girl saw this and smiled at him, happy to be paid attention to, so he looked away. Probably just fascinated with everything. He resumed eating his ice cream.

Laughter.

That girl again. What was she finding funny this time?

More laughter.

Tora. What—

A muffled snort of laughter.

Mizuki.

Hayate turned to see that Mizuki was copying him. He was suddenly tired. The day had been a long one, and Mizuki was busy making it longer. He looked back at the purple-haired girl, slightly angry. Mizuki was embarrassing him in public—it wasn't funny.

But she only laughed all the harder.

The End


	3. Sneak Peek of Ch 3!

_Hi everyone! This series isn't dead yet! I'm still working on editing the third installment, Smoke and Mirrors, and I have a rough draft of the fourth installment written. As Smoke and Mirrors is the longest story in the series, I may be a while, so here is a sneak peek._

Hayate leapt to the rooftop, followed closely by Baki. The Hokage would want to know of the alliance of Suna and Oto, certainly, but Hayate was not about to run blindly through the night with a pursuer of unknown capabilities coming after him. He'd finish this here and now—a few quick slashes and the enemy would be lying in a pool of blood before he could make a single hand sign. As they faced each other, Baki made some comment about Hayate being alone. Hayate wasted little time with a response before flying at him. Ninjas used banter to stretch out battles, giving each other time to muster chakra for flashy attacks that could knock down buildings. Nice try.

Hayate's crescent moon dance went perfectly. By the time Baki figured out which sword was the real one, it was buried in his shoulder. The events that followed…should have gone perfectly. Baki should have been overwhelmed by confusion, pain, and fear. Hayate should have been able to slide back the sword and end the fight with a quick thrust forward. He should have been able to say something like "Missed the first time," or even something clever like "This is more what I'm thinking of when I hear 'alone.'" But Baki had grabbed the sword. Instead of saying something along the lines of "Aaaieeeeee, my shoulder!" Baki had responded by complimenting Hayate on his skill. It was the kind of compliment that really means "…But I'm much better, stay tuned." How old was Baki, thirty? Thirty-five? Definately over twenty-five. That was way past the life expectancy of your average ninja. You just don't get that old unless you're something special.

Mind racing, Hayate considered his next move. Should he let go of the sword and try to finish the fight with kunai knives and throwing stars? If he had to he would, but only as a last resort. Unlike most ninjas skilled enough to attain the rank of jonin, he had absolutely no kekkei genkai or special clan ability whatsoever, only a sharp mind and a sharp sword. Take the sword out of the equation and you have the mental equivalent of trying to play chess in a piranha tank. Quite possibly possible, yes, but only if there was no other way...

"Blades of wind are impossible to stop."

Now Hayate was the one overwhelmed by confusion and fear. Leaving the sword would mean death, holding the sword would mean death. But as the horrible, horrible sound of rushing winds rose up and grew louder, inspiration struck. Hayate fumbled his fingers into the signs necessary for the Art of Transformation before something else struck too. The small accompanying swirl of smoke was blown away by the savage gust of swords. Baki was therefore quite surprised to see the gray, empty surface of the roof instead of the dead, horribly maimed swordsman he'd been expecting. Something caught the Sunan's eye. There was a small shape on the handle of the sword sticking out of his shoulder. It was a little gecko clinging for dear life with its sticky feet. It was looking straight at him. It was grinning. Evilly. A gecko couldn't do that.

A Gekko could.

Before Baki knew what was happening, Hayate assumed his normal shape. The sudden extra weight (here the Laws of Physics gave a small, inaudible sob) on the sword gave Baki's wound a totally unexpected and very painful wrench.

"Aaaieeeee, my shoulder!" he said, toppling over.

Who needed a kekkei genkai when you could weave a web of smoke and mirrors out of the stupid genin attacks that barely required any chakra?

Hayate jumped off, bloodstained sword in hand, before Baki hit the ground.

Check.

But it was not to be a victory. The difference between a game and real life is that, in a game, there are always established rules.

Seconds after Hayate landed, he felt a sudden searing pain in his neck. The world went abruptly black. Upon waking up, he would find himself many miles away from Konoha.

On a nearby rootop, Kabuto fiddled aimlessly with a spare acupuncture needle, amused. Just because knocking over the board when your team member's losing isn't nice, doesn't mean it's impossible to do.

Baki jumped to his feet and leapt backwards, ready to throw more wind blades the minute he confirmed the location of his target. He was surprised that the enemy hadn't hit him with anything since his fall to the ground...

He suddenly realized he was facing a stunned or possibly dead opponent.

Hayate wouldn't just flop down like that on his own. Baki straightened and looked around, his glare a challenge to whatever third party had been responsible. Was Gaara still skulking around up there? Or was there no third party-had Hayate's sickness taken a sudden turn for the worse? Still scanning the nearby rooftops, Baki touched his shoulder gingerly, as if he could feel any germs that might have taken up residence there.

"What a horrible wound." The voice was drawling, sinister, and familiar. Baki knew it was Kabuto before he spotted his silhouette on one of the rooftops. Mystery solved. Little nasty.

"You didn't have to kill him for me," Baki said levelly.

"Oh, I didn't kill him," Kabuto said. "You would have killed him if I hadn't intervened. I actually just saved his life."

Baki squinted at the limp figure on the ground. No signs of breathing... no movement at all...

"Looks dead to me," he said.

"Look again," Kabuto said, materializing on Baki's roof. "See those accupuncture needles through his neck? I've put him into what's called a-"

"I know what a deathlike trance is," Baki growled. "I'm not stupid. I just didn't think of that earlier because I've heard it requires a lot of skill to pull off right."

"Ouch," Kabuto said.

"What do you want with this guy alive?" Baki asked. "I thought you were offering to go kill him just a few minutes ago."

"Well-can I fix your shoulder as I talk?" Kabuto said. "I am a medical ninja, and the sight of such a large wound makes my fingers restless."

"Urrrm... sure," Baki said guardedly. He didn't trust Kabuto much as a rule, but it wasn't like there was much of a choice. Considering Baki's stance in Konoha as a visiting ally, and, considering how extremely fragile the alliances were at this time, showing up to a local doctor late at night with a deep slice in his shoulder would require quite a lot of explaining... "Now, go on. What do you want with this one?"

"Well," Kabuto said, digging around in a small bag, "I followed you two to make sure that there was someone to take out Mr. Proctor if things got out of hand... you know how vital it is to keep him from talking. I also wanted—for scientific purposes only, you understand!—I wanted to see if I could salvage any of his organs if the more likely outcome took place." (Baki shuddered. Where would little bits of HIM end up if he happened to die in Kabuto's general vicinity?) "I was expecting you to win easily. I almost dropped my preservation jars when I saw Mr. Proctor perform a perfect crescent moon dance. I _knew_ I wanted him alive when I saw what he did after you sent your wind swords after him.

"And what does all of this have to do with your sudden surge of compassion?" Baki asked.

"Compassion doesn't have anything to do with it," Kabuto said. "My master, Lord Orochimaru, _collects _skilled and intelligent Shinobi when he can, and I'd never seen a more talented ninja that nobody would miss. My master will be quite pleased."

"Collects?" Baki asked. "You mean recruits."

"Call it what you like," Kabuto smirked.

"Forget it," Baki said, remembering the part about the... _shudder_... organs.

Kabuto snickered.

"Do you really think he won't be missed?" Baki asked. He'd met the proctor before in the Land of the Waves, and he knew he had a dangerous little girlfriend who also had a thing for swords. He pictured himself being hunted through the city by her and a pack of rabid summoned bloodhounds...

"Well, obviously _someone's_ going to notice he's gone," Kabuto said flatly. "They sent him to track me, didn't they? Don't you worry, though. I've already thought of a plan so nobody goes looking for him. See that dead sound ninja, the one your Gaara killed? He was one of mine, so nobody would care if he disappeared with no trace. I'm going to drag the corpse over here and alter it so it looks like-"

"That's disgusting," Baki snapped. "You know what? After you're done fixing my shoulder, I'm leaving. It's late. I don't even like talking to you anyway. If I don't have to do anything else here, and if you've got the evidence removal...creation... covered, I'm gone. I didn't come here to stand here and watch you play with corpses like a little kid with a big pile of legoes."

"I'm almost done," Kabuto said. "And don't go yet! You do have to do something else here. I need your help to-"

"I am not going to hand you blood-encrusted instruments while you-"

"I want you to stand guard while I get an ally," Kabuto said crossly.

"What kind of ally?" Baki asked.

"I'm going to grab someone from the prison," Kabuto said smugly. "I can't drop everything and travel back to Otogakure for such a trivial matter as my new catch. I'll tell the prisoner I'll help him escape if he takes this guy to Otogakure for me and joins the village. Heh, if we didn't renew our supply of expendables, we'd die out."

"You're ready to trust a criminal?" Baki asked suspiciously.

"Sure," Kabuto said. "He'll have a chance at a new life. Even if he murders my catch and bolts, that would only be a minor disappointment for me. It wouldn't impact anything important at all."

"As long as you're the only one taking a risk, I don't care," Baki growled.

"All done!" Kabuto said, giving Baki's newly-bandaged shoulder a devious pat. "I won't charge you anything. It's a hobby, really. Fun."

"Go," Baki growled. "Get out of here."

Kabuto nodded and was gone.

Baki examined his shoulder critically. Though he wouldn't have admitted it to Kabuto, it did feel a whole lot better... maybe there really was something to turning hobbies into careers. He looked absently down at the fallen enemy. _"Lord Orochimaru collects skilled and intelligent Shinobi,"_ Kabuto had said. Baki himself had heard rumors of what Orochimaru sometimes did to prisoners. Such a shame. Kabuto's ally or no, Baki didn't exactly approve of needless torture or experimentation. He picked up the fallen bloodstained sword. An idea was forming in his mind. He was a ninja, but that was not because his hobby was killing people or watching them suffer. His Shinobi way lay in the protection and prosperity of his village. Enemy ninjas that stood in the way of said village's peace and prosperity obviously needed to be taken out, but there was no reason whatsoever to go any farther than that. This man was as good as dead if he went to Otogakure. There was no sense in letting him spend his last days in agony …

The sword's handle was still warm and sweaty. Baki adjusted his grip.

He'd make this quick.

He positioned the tip at the proctor's throat... and stopped.

There was a thin line of drool sliding down Hayate's face. In his mind's eye, Baki could see the pretty girl with the long violet hair gazing lovingly at her sleeping friend, out in that boat in the middle of the ocean. She would be devastated. Would she want him to do this? Baki himself had been, on occasion, captured by enemies, even tortured once, and, against all odds, he was still here. Though Baki had only known the fallen man for a short time, something told him that he was a survivor. Baki growled to himself and put the sword back on the ground. It was Kabuto's lucky day. Whether it was Hayate's lucky day would remain to be seen. In any case, it wouldn't be Baki's actions that would ultimately destroy Yugao's world.

_This story chronicles the darkest moments of the Smoke and Mirrors saga. Hayate has escaped the death assigned to him by the author of Naruto, but this new life comes at a high price. Imprisoned and surrounded by despair and suffering, it is up to everyone's favorite diseased ninja to prove that heroes can come from anywhere. It's also up to him to prove that love is stronger than any conspiracy theory, that having insane friends doesn't necessarily make you insane, and that sometimes a happy ending just means that nobody died. Thank you for reading, and stay tuned for more… eventually!_

_-Tavoriel_


End file.
